Expressing Your Authentic Self

Dr John Demartini shares insight on why expressing your authentic self includes neither exaggerating yourself or others, or minimizing yourself or others.

When you exaggerate others, you are likely to minimize yourself

At various moments in your life, I’m sure you have met individuals that you looked up to, admired, were drawn to, maybe infatuated with and who you might even have tried to imitate.

The moment you did that – the moment you put them above you and saw them as greater than you, or more skilled in some capacity, possibly more intelligent, more successful in business, more wealthy or more stable in relationships, maybe even more socially connected and networked, possibly more physically fit and attractive, or even more spiritually aware – that is when you are most likely to have exaggerated them and minimized yourself.

In other words, when you infatuate with others, you tend to devalue yourself.

When you exaggerate others, you are likely to minimize their downsides

What is interesting is that when you look up to somebody and think they are greater than you, you tend to exaggerate what you perceive to be their good qualities and downplay any of their perceived downsides or depreciable activities.  In other words, you tend to exaggerate how great they are.

In doing so, you tend to become conscious of their upsides and unconscious of their downsides, while in turn becoming conscious of your downsides and unconscious of your upsides.

What is likely to occur as a result is that you become too humble to admit that what you see in them is also inside of you. This is what often leads to intimidation, difficulty speaking, and low self-confidence. If you prefer to watch the video, click below. ↓

When you exaggerate others, you devalue yourself and inject their values into your life

The moment you look up to somebody and minimize yourself, you devalue yourself. You tend to become deflective and disown those traits in yourself so that you play small. It’s also when you are likely to inject their values into your life, and even try to imitate them.

When you exaggerate them and minimize you, you are not being your authentic self

No human being can sustain living in other people’s values. It’s not sustainable. Every individual lives by a set of priorities, a set of values that is unique to you. Whatever is highest on your list of values, you spontaneously are inspired to do. And whenever you have injected the values of others, those values compete with your own highest values and create an internal conflict that results in uncertainties.

It would be wise to see the uncertainty that you feel when you minimize yourself, as normal biological feedback to let you know that you are being inauthentic. Any time you hear yourself with those imperatives inside your head –  ‘I should’, ‘I ought to’, ”I have to’, or ‘I must’, it would be wise to see them as feedback that you might be trying to live in other people’s values instead of your own.

When you exaggerate them and minimize you, you are likely to diminish yourself and play smaller than you are

This can result in a form of dysmorphia. Just like people have body dysmorphia and they might be unable to see the magnificence of their body, so too can you have dysmorphia in your intellectual pursuits, your business, your finances, your family, relationships, your social life, your physical health and wellbeing, and in your spiritual life.

You are not likely to empower yourself by putting people on pedestals. As Ralph Waldo, Emerson said, envy is ignorance and imitation is suicide.

We are not here to put people on pedestals; we are here to put them in our hearts. We are here to have reflective awareness – the highest level of awareness we have.

When you exaggerate yourself, you are likely to minimize others

You are also likely to resent them, withdraw, and want to avoid them. In the process of exaggerating yourself and minimizing them, you tend to become conscious of your own upsides and unconscious of your downsides. As a result, you might go into pride and self-righteousness and look down on them.

When you exaggerate yourself, you are not being authentic

When you are inflated and proud and arrogant, you are not being your authentic self. You are unlikely to see that the downsides you perceive in others are also in you. As a result, you tend to deny what you see in them and disown those parts of yourself, thereby skewing your perception of yourself.

When you exaggerate yourself, you are likely to project your values onto others

Values tend to go from those who have the most power, perceptually, to those that have least power. So when you exaggerate yourself, you are more likely to project your values onto others and expect them to live in your values.

For example, you might find yourself saying, ‘you should’, ‘you ought to’, ‘you’re supposed to’, ‘you got to’, ‘you have to’, ‘you must’ or ‘you need to’.

You might then find yourself feeling frustrated because they aren’t doing what you think they are ‘supposed’ to do.

True self-worth occurs when you are objective

Neither narcissism nor altruism by themselves are sustainable. True self-worth occurs when you are objective, when you have reflective awareness, and when you are not too proud or too humble to admit that what you see in others is inside yourself.

In other words, when you are in a state of objectivity and neutrality, where you don’t fear the loss of that which you seek, and you don’t fear the gain of that which you try to avoid.

Striving for that which is unavailable and trying to avoid that which is unavoidable is the source of human suffering. So, any time you are inauthentic, you are likely to go into “suffering” mode, which is essentially feedback to let you know that you’re being inauthentic.

Your physiology, psychology, sociology, and theologies are all designed to bring you back into authenticity.

When you own the things you see in others – that is the essential self

This is where you are likely to be the most active and inspired, where you tend to live by your highest values, and when you are the most objective. It’s also when you are likely to own your ‘hero’ and your ‘villain’ and not try to deny any of them because the truth of the matter is that you are both. You don’t need to get rid of one half of yourself and be one-sided.

When you see someone displaying a trait, action or inaction that you despise or resent, it would be wise to identify where you have displayed those same traits, actions or inactions

Ask yourself what was the upside, the benefit or the advantages. In doing so, you are likely bring your mind into balance, and see both sides of an event.

All events are neutral until somebody judges them with a skewed, subjective bias.  It is wise to ask questions to equilibrate, liberate and balance the mind because you can’t have a balanced physiology without a balanced mentality.

Your actions are a by-product of your perceptions. When you balance your perceptions, you are likely to have more moderate actions. If not, you might find yourself with extreme volatilities and perturbations in your perceptions and actions.

So, the moment you own that trait, action or inaction and neutralize it, and go to the moment where and when you displayed it, and then find the upsides or downsides of it and balance it out, you are likely to dissolve your pride and shame.

When you dissolve your pride, shame, infatuation and resentment, you are more able to access your authentic self

You are also more likely to dissolve the labels that make you rigid in your perceptions of others and allow them to be just human beings with their own unique set of values. You are then more likely to realize that there is no reason to judge that individual, and no reason to judge yourself in turn.

You are not here to compare yourself to others – you are here to compare your daily actions to your own dreams, and to your own highest priority actions

That is why I want people to come to the Breakthrough Experience– so you can learn the Demartini Method.

I want you to know how to take whatever you have experienced in the world around you and in your perceptions and integrate them and balance them and liberate them so you can be your authentic, liberated and inspired self.

For You…

Free Gift: Awakening Your Astronomical Vision
Claim Your Free Gift: Awakening Your Astronomical Vision


Start each week with a boost of inspiration from Dr. John Demartini. To receive your Monday inspired quote click HERE:

About Dr John Demartini:

Dr John Demartini is a human behavior specialist, a polymath, philosopher, international speaker and published author. He has recently been awarded the IAOTP Top Human Behavior Specialist of the Year as well as the IAOTP Lifetime Achievement Award. His work is a summation of over 299 different disciplines synthesized from the greatest minds in most fields of study today. His extensive curriculum focuses on helping purpose driven individuals master their lives so that they are able to more extensively serve humanity with their inspired vision and mission.

To find out more visit: or search for Dr John Demartini on your favorite social, podcast or media channel.

Want Clarity On Your Vision?

Claim Your Free Gift:
Awakening Your Astronomical Vision

No, Thanks