Fear is your greatest guide. Fear is guiding you to become more centred, balanced and objective. Today, Dr Demartini shares insights about fear that will help you understand why you have fear and the role that fear plays in helping you to empower your life.
DR JOHN DEMARTINI - Updated 3 years ago
What exactly is fear and how is it guiding you?
Fear is an assumption that you're about to experience, through your senses or imagination, more loss than gain, more negatives than positives, more pain than pleasure, more disadvantages than advantages, and more risk than reward in the future. So, it's an ASSUMPTION that you're likely to have a negative experience.
Fear, also referred to as a phobia or nightmare, has philia or fantasy as its exact opposite, and these work together in the same way as magnets with their positive and negative poles.
Let me explain in more detail:
There are two sources of fear in a human experience - the fear of loss of that which you seek, and the fear of gain of that which you are trying to avoid. Think of animals in the wild who fear the loss of prey (food) and the gain of predator (being eaten - death). An example closer to home might be the fear of losing someone you are in a relationship with, or the fear of gaining unwanted financial bills. So, anything in your life that you think is supportive of what you value most is perceived as prey - and you're likely to fear the loss of it. Anything that challenges what you value most in life is perceived as a predator - and you’re likely to fear the gain of it.
To go back to the example of animals in the wild – when they are faced with a predator, they will fear the gain of that predator and become infatuated with getting away from it. In a relationship, you might become infatuated with someone and fear the loss of them. You can't separate the two – they are like two poles of a magnet. So, there's no such thing as a phobia without a philia. They are inseparably entangled like two poles of a magnet or two quantum entangled particles.
Now imagine you draw a line right down the centre where you embrace both the phobia and the philia, the positive and the negative. In other words, you remain completely neutral and objective with a balanced state of mind. As you neutralize your emotions and go into this reasonable state, you are likely to get to a point where you don't have a fear of loss or fear of gain.
Your intuition will always try to help you get to that balanced, objective state. If you’re infatuated and only conscious of upsides, it will try and make you aware of possible downsides. If you’re only conscious of the downsides, your intuition will try to get you to see the upsides and bring you back into balance.
So, we could say that fear is a valuable feedback mechanism to let you know that you have a polarized perspective. If you neutralize it, you could become even more of your most authentic or balanced self. If you prefer to watch the video on how Fear Is Your Guide, click below. ↓
How does being aware of your highest values help you dissolve your fears and become more objective, balanced and authentic?
Every human being on the planet, regardless of age, gender or culture, has a set of priorities or values. These priorities can evolve and change as you grow, but at any moment in your life, you have values that are most important to you which then help dictate your perceptions, decisions and actions. The hierarchy of these values is unique to you, in the order of things that are most important to those that are least important in your life.
Think of a ladder – the top rung being your highest value where you are most likely to be intrinsically and spontaneously inspired from within. This is also where you will tend to live by priority and go in the path of your most authentic essential self or soul. When you do, you are likely to have more objectivity and neutralize the polarities that breed the fear of loss and the fear of gain.
Nature has a way of making sure that we have both pleasure and pain or both positives and negatives, so everything is balanced. Like I said earlier, you don't get a half of a magnet – you get a balanced magnet.
When you set up fantasies, you are more likely to live in fear. For example, if you want to be in a relationship that has all positives and no negatives, you have a fantasy. The moment you have that as an expectation, your brain with its intuition will tend to reveal the part you are not really conscious of and create an anxiety or fear of losing that relationship.
Why? Because the brain knows that's not a true objective - it's a fantasy. The executive centre in the forebrain is designed to take fantasies and turn them into true objectives and to make sure that you're thinking of the downsides along with the upsides.
One of the wisest things you can do is to look at any goal that you have in mind and think about what obstacles you might you run into and how you may solve them in advance. You are then less likely to be reactive when they occur and more likely to be proactive. So, your phobia is your friend when you're pursuing fantasies because it's letting you know that you have pursued something that's not authentic and it's not objective and it's not grounded.
So, in other words, fear is not necessarily a ‘bad’ thing?
Fears are simply feedback to let you know that you're not setting real objectives. It's trying to help you break through the illusions of the fantasies that you're pursuing and get you to be objective.
However, fear can also be perceived as an enemy if you are looking for a pleasure without pain. Certain people attempt to just “focus on the positive” and never want to think about the negatives. Fears and phobias are more likely to haunt them constantly because they’re searching for fantasies and not being objective and authentic. However, if you’re grounded and more interested in what is real and what is objective, then you are likely to see fear as feedback to help you set real objectives in real time.
How to begin appreciating and dissolving your fear and fantasy, phobia and philia, to become more balanced, neutral and objective?
There are many different types of fears. You can have the fear of loss of loved ones. You can have the fear of loss of knowledge or fear of not knowing, the fear of a failure in business, the fear of loss of money or not making money, the fear of rejection, the fear of ill health or death, or even the fear of somehow breaking the morals and ethics of some spiritual authority. But all of those are built out of the fantasies that if you have those things, life will be only happier.
The addiction to happiness simultaneously creates the cost of sadness. The addiction to the fantasy is what is often the cause of the nightmare. The depression that you have in your life is likely to stem from the comparison of your current reality to some fantasy that you're addicted to. They come in pairs. So, as long as you're addicted to the fantasy of a positive without a negative, your life intuitively tends to bring up the negative without a positive to counterbalance it, to make you associate with that fantasy, that fear and that pain, to try to break that addiction.
However, when you live by your highest values and live by priority, you become more objective, and you are more likely to transcend the need for the feedback of fear, or what some have called break through the fear, and fulfil what I would call your individual or soul's mission.
You would be wise to see and embrace both sides and set true objectives by living by your highest values, so you can dissolve the need for the feedback and impact that the phobias and philias have on your path.
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