Did you know that there is ONE question you can ask yourself to help you transform ANY setback into a comeback?
I am sure that, like every other person on this planet, you have experienced something that you perceived as a setback.
Perhaps your setback involved your grades at school, not getting into the college or university of your choice, or possibly your setback was a relationship that did not turn out to be what you had hoped, or maybe even a lack of financial or business achievement that you had anticipated or planned for.
Perhaps you chose to work through these setbacks by trying again or working harder. Maybe you began blaming others for the role you perceived they played in your setback. There might even be a story that you are running in your head about how others have it “easier” than you, less setbacks than you. Or perhaps you feel that you may as well give up because after experiencing yet another setback, you now feel that you never seem to catch a break.
I’d like to give you an alternative view to dealing with setbacks today – something tangible that you would be wise to consider using every time you face something you perceive as a setback. I am certain that it will assist you in transforming these setbacks into comebacks.
If you prefer to watch the video, click below. ↓
There are only three things that you have control of in life: your perceptions, your decisions, and your actions.
Not only do you have control of these three things, but you can also change them:
- Your PERCEPTION of the event that you call a setback;
- Your DECISION regarding what you decide to do about a setback; and
- Your ACTIONS around it.
So, while you may not have control over what has happened on the outside, you do have control of your perceptions and decisions on the inside, and of the resulting actions that follow.
As a result, you are not ever a victim of your history but instead a master of your destiny.
No matter what setback happens to you, you have the ability to change how it is in your mind.
I teach a course called the Breakthrough Experience and have seen people come in with all kinds of situations that they perceive to be setbacks.
One of the things I do is give them a new set of questions to ask, so they:
- Become conscious of things they were not conscious of;
- Balance out perceptions that they thought were “IN the way”; and
- Turn the same experience into something that is “ON the way”.
If something happens that you see as a setback, you are choosing to see the downsides and not the upsides.
It would be wise to ask yourself: “What are the upsides to this setback happening?” or “What would be the downsides if this setback hadn’t happened?”
For example, “What would be the downside if my parents had stayed married when I was younger?” or “What was the upside of my parent’s divorce when I was younger?”
Both questions will assist you in getting to the point where you are balanced in your thinking and grateful for what you had previously perceived as being a setback.
I am not promoting positive thinking but balanced thinking.
When you can find the downsides to the things or fantasies that you are infatuated with, you can release the distress, have the setback dissolve, and balance your thinking. A depressive setback is often a result of a comparison of your current reality to a fantasy you’re holding on to about how it could or should’ve been.
Let me give you an example. Let us say that you become infatuated with a woman who then leaves you. Instead of focusing on all the ways she was “perfect”, imagine that you then began to look at all the downsides to either her or to your relationship with her until you are no longer infatuated but instead neutral and balanced. As a result, you will tend not to be resentful or unhappy, nor will you tend to give the relationship valuable real estate in your mind.
So, it is not about positive thinking but instead about bringing your thinking back into balance:
- If you perceive more drawbacks than benefits or more downsides than upsides, then you may need to come up with benefits or upsides.
- If you are infatuated with somebody or something, you may need to come up with the downsides or negatives to breakthrough your unrealistic perspective.
Balancing out the equation is what liberates you.
Anything that you are infatuated with occupies space and time in your mind and runs you, so you need to see the downsides to set you free. Anything you resent where you see downsides without upsides (setbacks without opportunity), also occupies your mind and runs you and here you need to see the upsides to set you free. It all depends on what the original setback is.
If you’ve lost someone that you are infatuated with, you may need to see the downside of the individual that you are attached to and the upside of them being gone.
If you are resentful of somebody, you may need to see the upside of why they are coming around you and the drawback if they were to go away. If you take those two sides and balance out the equation, there will be nothing there except an event that you’re now grateful for.
In other words, a perfectly balanced mind is more objective and becomes grateful.
Adaptability comes from a balanced mind.
You’re not adaptable if you are highly infatuated with something because you fear the loss of it.
You’re not highly adaptable if you are resentful of something and fear the gain of it.
You’re likely to only be set free when you have a balanced mind and neutralize your seeking or avoiding.
In the Breakthrough Experience, I teach the Demartini Method which is a series of questions that equilibrate the mind and liberate you from the bondage and baggage of emotions that weigh you down, which you label “setbacks”. In this way, you’re likely to be free, resilient and adaptable to whatever is happening.
If you have a perfectly balanced mind and something has been taken from you or you experience a setback, you’re likely not to feel devastated or stressed, but free.
A perfectly neutral mind is what liberates people from the stresses and the setbacks. Or, as I like to put it, a setback is nothing but an imbalanced mind.
Sometimes, the setbacks we have in life are not even setbacks but comparisons of fantasies that we are addicted to.
If you hold onto a fantasy about how life is supposed to be, then what it is may tend to feel like a setback or challenge.
It is for this reason that I’m a firm believer in balancing out the mind.
Once you balance your mind, you are likely not to even see a setback, only an opportunity.
You will tend to find the hidden order in your apparent chaos, and actually be grateful that a setback has happened.
I often say that anything you are not grateful for, somehow you have a skewed view of. If you balance out your mind, you are likely to experience an abundance of gratitude.
Again, a perfectly balanced mind is grateful.
When someone sees the balanced hidden order, they will not even perceive a “problem or setback”. They only thought they had a problem, when they imbalanced their thinking and perception.
By asking the question: what’s the upside if you are down, and what’s the downside if you are up, balances it out and liberates you, and then you tend to realize there is nothing there except “thank you”.
No matter what is going on in your life, a master is able to turn whatever is happening into an opportunity.
It is just about asking the right questions because intuitively balanced questions help you see unconscious information. The second you change your perception, your decisions of what to do with it change, and your actions change.
Then, if you choose prioritized actions that are inspired and that are according to your highest value, you’re likely to have the most resilience.
“How is whatever I’m experiencing right now helping me fulfill:
If you ask that question – no matter what’s going on – you might be surprised that you’re able to see things as being “on the way” instead of “in the way”.
You may not see it at first, but if you hold yourself accountable to look and discover what that is, you will tend to realize that this thing that you perceive to be a setback was not actually a setback but an opportunity.
When you’re living in alignment with your highest values, you’re more objective and embrace both challenge and support in your pursuit of what you feel is your purpose in life, you’re likely to have way more resilience and no longer perceive challenges as “setbacks”.
As a result, you will tend to be more adaptable and flexible, and no longer see gains or losses. Instead, you’re likely to live in a world of transformation.
-> If you’re ready to determine your own unique hierarchy of values, you can do so for FREE on our website. Just click HERE to access the online 13 step Demartini Value Determination process to gain clarity on what is most important to you. Determining your highest values is the foundation of all human empowerment and fulfillment.
To continue reading click here to access part 2 of Turning Setbacks into Comebacks
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About Dr John Demartini:
Dr. John Demartini, is a human behavior specialist, a polymath, philosopher, international speaker and published author. He has recently been awarded the IAOTP Top Human Behavior Specialist of the Year as well as the IAOTP Lifetime Achievement Award.
His work is a summation of over 299 different disciplines synthesized from the greatest minds in most fields of study today. His extensive curriculum focuses on helping purpose driven individuals master their lives so that they are able to more extensively serve humanity with their inspired vision and mission.