Read more about why this significant principle will apply in almost every relationship dynamic and transaction you have in your life.
You’ve most likely experienced a time when someone agreed to pay a certain amount for a service you provided, a service that you feel you delivered in full, only to have them short change you, be reluctant to pay you, or be late with their payment. As a result, you probably felt perturbed, resentful, perhaps you even become narcissistic and pushy to get your pay.
You may also have had a situation where you’ve provided a service and the customer felt that what they paid for didn’t quite live up to what was expected. As a result, they may have requested a refund or discount, or perhaps you went out of your way to offer additional services in order to provide them with a fair exchange.
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Whenever there is not a sustainable fair exchange, you tend to create emotions.
- When you feel you did LESS than what was expected for the transaction to be fair, you tend to become altruistic to try to compensate for it.
- When you feel that, “No, I delivered my service and you didn’t pay up,” you tend to get narcissistic to try and get what you perceive is owed to you.
Anytime you try to get something for nothing, or try to give something for nothing, you have a transaction that is not sustainable.
If you feel that you have to sacrifice for others over a period of time, you’re likely to go, ‘This isn’t working for me!’ and move towards a balanced or even overshoot toward the more narcissistic side.
If you move too far over to that narcissistic side, you’re likely to get humbled and become more balanced or undershoot toward the more altruistic side.
Sustainable transactions strive towards fair exchange.
In every transaction, both individuals keep an inventory of what has been given and what has been taken. In that way, they have a type of built-in thermostat for fair exchange.
The way people tend to know that there has been a fair exchange is when both parties are grateful – you don’t feel that they owe you, and you don’t feel that you owe them. In other words, there is no narcissistic side where you feel “you owe me something” and no altruistic side where you feel “I owe you something”. It is just done, the transaction is complete, and both parties feel that a fair transaction has taken place.
Knowing your highest values is key if you would like to avoid narcissistic or altruistic polarities and swings in behavior.
When you live in a way that is aligned and congruent with your highest value – the thing that is most meaningful and important – when you live by priority and delegate lower priority things, this is when you are likely to be the most centered, balanced and objective and create sustainable transactions.
When you are narcissistic, you are less likely to build wealth.
If you exaggerate yourself and puff yourself up with pride, you tend to become narcissistic and think you are contributing more than you are. Nobody wants to be around somebody who narcissistically exaggerates him or herself too much the time and will tend to feel that it is an unfair exchange. As a result, they might decide that they don’t want to do business with you anymore.
When you are altruistic, you are less likely to build wealth.
When you beat yourself up and go into shame, you tend to become altruistic and feel that you owe something. That is a reflection of the persona called low self-esteem instead of true self-worth. Your true self-worth is not an inflated or deflated, it has you in the center. Eventually that altruism is likely to wear off.
When you live congruently with your true highest values and are objective, you are most likely to make and hold onto some of the money.
When you live by highest priority, you have the highest probability of being objective and neutral, not puffing yourself up, or deflating yourself down, and not exaggerating or minimizing yourself or what you are contributing to the transaction. In other words, you have the opportunity to obtain a thermostat that is steady and accurate.
Whenever you live in your highest values, you wake up your executive center, become objective and neutral, and have the highest probability of sustaining fair exchange.
In other words, you have the highest probability of not skewing and distorting what you and they have contributed to the transaction.
As a result, there is likely to be no IOU, “you owe me” or “I need to owe you something back”. Instead, you have the highest probability of building wealth. It increases your self-worth. It increases your contribution. It increases your energy, enthusiasm and inspiration.
When you’re inspired and can’t wait to go to work, people can’t wait to get your service. When you are enthused, people can’t wait to be engaged in it. When you are more certain, you’re more likely to know what you are asking for and making a fair exchange. When you’re inspired by it and when you are present with people, people want to pay – they pay for presence and they pay for certainty.
One of the signs that you are exaggerating or minimizing is that you go into a defense mechanism.
Being defensive often escalates into emotion, which becomes more dramatized, which can result in an unfair exchange.
If, however, you get to highest priority and make sure that you deliver what you feel is certain to be a quality service for what they paid for, you have the greatest sustainable exchange and the highest probability of making money and keeping some money in your pocket.
When you offer a service, it would be wise to make sure that you are meeting people’s needs.
Sometimes people will try to immediately close a sale at the expense of the long-term satisfaction of the client. That is more narcissistic behavior that involves manipulating an individual who may be vulnerable and may want others to make decisions for them.
This can backfire on your brand in the long run because they have not had a sustainable fair exchange and are likely to tell others about their experience. This long-term brand damage can impact your revenue and humble you to get back to a fair exchange.
What is the highest priority service that is based on the most meaningful thing you love doing? That is likely to be what you would be wise to sell.
This will tend to be the thing you are the most certain about and something you are absolutely certain you can contribute to.
I ask when I consult with people, what is the service that you’re absolutely certain that when you deliver it, you can money back guarantee a result? That is the thing you will sell most effectively, what you believe in, have certainty about, and know you can offer the most value in.
On the other hand, anytime you try to sell something that you don’t really believe in, you are likely to try to hype it up and not end up with a transaction that is fair.
Making money is a feedback mechanism to let you know that you are being authentic.
Whenever you’re being who you are, that is where you have the highest probability of being able to create something you feel certain about that creates a fair exchange that, in turn, makes money and helps you build wealth.
If you jump into something that’s not truly what you love doing, that’s not inspiring and not highest in priority, and where you are not objective, or present in what you are doing, you’re not likely to make money or end up with a fair exchange because you’re likely to need to hype up something to convince either them or yourself. As a result, you are likely to pay the price in the long-run in terms of your brand and how people perceive it.
You would be wise to be honest with yourself about who and what you are and what you’re offering, and make a long-term more sustainable fair exchange out of it.
As a result, you’ll be more likely to build your business, make more money, have more profit, increase your self-worth and deserve level, build a brand, and have sustainability. People will then tell people who’ll also tell people, and it’ll most likely create a ripple effect and a chain reaction where everybody wins in the process.
It does mean caring enough about your customer to find out what their highest value, or dominant buying motive is, because that is where they are going to be the most objective, and when you are most likely to be engaged in a fair exchange transaction that makes you the money that you’d like to make, the service, the brand and the fulfillment.
Other than sustainable fair exchange, there is very little that comes close to doing something that makes a difference in people’s lives, blowing their minds about what you just did for them, and leaving them in a state of gratitude.
When I have transacted with sustainable fair exchange, I feel the most fulfilled and I can’t wait to get up in the morning and continue to do that. I am certain that it begins with:
- knowing your highest values (click here to take my FREE Value Determination Process, if you haven’t already),
- filling your day with high priority actions that inspire you, and
- offering a service that meets people’s needs without exaggerating or minimizing yourself – or them.
That is when you will be most likely to be authentic and fulfilled, while also growing your business and building wealth.
Making money is feedback to let you know that you are being authentic and equitable.
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Dr. John Demartini, is a human behavior specialist, a polymath, philosopher, international speaker and published author. He has recently been awarded the IAOTP Top Human Behavior Specialist of the Year as well as the IAOTP Lifetime Achievement Award.
His work is a summation of over 299 different disciplines synthesized from the greatest minds in most fields of study today. His extensive curriculum focuses on helping purpose driven individuals master their lives so that they are able to more extensively serve humanity with their inspired vision and mission.