A Quality Life Demands Quality Questions

DR JOHN DEMARTINI   -   Updated 2 years ago

Dr Demartini discusses why the quality of your life is based partly upon the quality of the questions you ask yourself daily. Asking low-quality questions is likely to lead to a low-quality life. It is wiser to ask yourself high-quality questions to live the more self-actualized life you dream of and deserve.

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DR JOHN DEMARTINI - Updated 2 years ago

Most people who struggle through life ask themselves such uninspiring questions that their lives become exactly that, uninspiring.

Less inspiring questions:

  • Why is this happening to me?
  • How will I or can I afford to do this?

More inspiring questions:

  • How is whatever is happening helping me fulfill what is most meaningful and inspiring to me – my mission in life?
  • How can I get handsomely paid to do this?

If you are not inspired about your life, or not living the life you truly dream of, it may partially be due to the type of questions you’re asking yourself.

The moment you ask quality questions is the moment your life begins to transform to a more quality and fulfilled life.

The value of asking high-quality questions is to help you become more fully conscious.

When you’re conscious of something (confirmation bias), you’re often unconscious (disconfirmation bias) of something else. You’ll tend to focus your attention on what you’re conscious of and filter or block out some of the other details. 

Unless you ask quality questions that lead you to become cognizant of that which is unconscious, you are not likely to become fully conscious and see both sides of the events in your life. And seeing both sides is key to you being able to live your most empowered, inspired and authentic life

So, the value of asking quality questions is to allow you to see things, opportunities, potentials and parts of yourself that you may be disowning so you can truly master your life.


Click below for the video of this article.





Two Types of Questions

There are two types of questions you can ask yourself:

  1. Positive feedback loop questions that lead to polarization, dramatization and emotional polarities, which often result in a “survival” instead of “thrival” mode”; and
  2. Negative feedback loop questions that are neutralizing instead of polarizing lead to inspiration and transcendental awareness so you can see the balance of life and not be emotionally polarized by life. 

The latter, the negative feedback loop questions, bring neutralization, stability, authenticity, and empowerment. 


Balance vs Imbalance

Your brain is set up with a nested hierarchy of feedback loops that have been established in intricate neural structures.

These network feedbacks allow you to become emotionally polarized so as to either run towards a perceived prey or run away from a perceived predator for fear of starvation or being eaten when you’re in survival mode and under perceived threat.

You also have other feedback loops involved in homeostasis, stability and thrival to help you become aware of both sides of life, to homeostate you with a negative feedback system in order to bring you back into balance.

You can choose to ask yourself imbalanced or balanced questions.

An example of an imbalanced question is:

  • Why did this happen to me?
  • Why am I a victim?
  • Why can’t people stop doing this?

In other words, questions that assume that there’s not a higher order or perfection to life, questions that polarize your further, questions that get you to see one side but not the other of any situation. 


Quality Questions To Balance Your Mind

Balanced questions include those that form part of the scientific process called the Demartini Method that I teach in my two-day Breakthrough Experience program.

So, instead of asking, “Why me?” you can ask balanced questions such as:

1. What specific trait, action, or inaction do I perceive this individual displaying or demonstrating that I dislike or admire most?”

2. Let me then go to the moment where and when I perceive myself displaying or demonstrating the same or similar specific trait, action or inaction, and go on to identify, where it was, when it was, who it was to and who perceived it?” 

  • In this way, you can have reflective awareness and see that what you see in them, you have in you.
  • In that way, you can balance the equation between self and others, have equity, stabilize yourself, not judge them, and instead be grateful.

3. Let me go to the moment where and when I perceive this individual displaying or demonstrating the specific trait, action or inaction that I despise or admire most? How did the trait I despise serve me, or how did the trait I admire disserve me?” 

  • When you look up at someone, you minimize yourself, which is inauthentic.
  • When you look down on someone, you exaggerate yourself, which is inauthentic.
  • However, when you look across at someone and see both sides - the positives and negatives, the benefits and drawbacks, the advantages and disadvantages equally, you’re no longer reactive. You can become present, poised, purposeful, patient, prioritized, productive, and empowered. 

4. Let me go to the moment where and when I perceived myself displaying or demonstrating that same or specific trait action or inaction. Who did I do it to? How was it a benefit to them if it was something I resented? How was it a drawback to them if it’s something I was proud of?” 

  • This question aims to calm down the illusion that you’re here to be proud or ashamed because those are also part of your facades and pretenses that you likely play out in your head.

When you ask questions that bring balance to your awareness, you become balanced with equanimity instead of polarized; and authentic, instead of exaggerating and minimizing yourself with personas, masks and facades that you wear. 

The quality of your life is based on the quality of the questions you ask yourself. 

The questions you ask, which bring homeostasis, balance, and stability, are referred to as negative feedback loop questions or a negative feedback system.

Another question you can ask yourself is:

5. Let me go to the moment where and when I perceived this individual displaying or demonstrating the specific trait, action, or inaction that I admire or despise most. Where and when did I perceive the same individual displaying the opposite trait to whomever they displayed it to?” 

  • In doing so, you are likely to find that the label you projected onto them is incomplete due to your biased perspective and information you were likely not conscious of.
  • When you look deeper, you’ll tend to find that they have both sides in the same way you do.

Answering this question can help you appreciate both the individual’s wholeness and the idea that they have both sides.

You will then be less likely to judge them and less likely to want to get rid of half of them. You’ll also be less likely to judge yourself or want to get rid of half of yourself – the half that you perceive as negative or unlovable.

You’re highly unlikely to love yourself if you try to get rid of half of yourself.

You’re going to love yourself if you embrace all parts of yourself. The same applies to the people around you and the rest of the world – you get to love and appreciate them more by asking quality questions.

Asking questions that bring balance, reflective awareness, neutrality and objectivity, most often helps you empower your life, liberate yourself and put yourself back into the executive centre of your forebrain where you have governance over your life.



Another question that brings equanimity and equilibrium is:

6. Let me go to the moment where and when I perceive this individual displaying or demonstrating the specific trait, action, or inaction that I despise or admire most. At that exact synchronous moment, who was doing the opposite to whoever they were doing it to?”

Every perception is a contrast - there’s a pair of opposites.

So, if you suddenly perceive somebody criticizing you, it would be wise to look for whoever you equally perceive is praising you. They may be real or virtual.

Your mind won’t perceive without a contrast. This question brings balance to your mind by helping you see the synchronicity of opposites. 

So, if you get puffed up with pride, you would be wise to look for the criticism that occurs simultaneously to bring you back down.

If you get criticized, it is wise to look for the praise to lift you back up.

Once you see both of them simultaneously, you are more able to be centred and authentic. 

If you do not ask these questions to help you see both sides and only see one side, you will most likely be subjectively biased and emotionally reactive.

Asking these quality questions helps you become fully conscious of both sides so you can be objective, neutral and balanced instead of over-reacting.

That is self-governance, which is mastery.

Another question you can ask is:

7. Let me go to the moment where and when I perceive this individual displaying or demonstrating a specific trait, action, or inaction I admire or despise most. At that moment, what would have been the drawback if they’d done the exact opposite of the thing I despised, or the benefit if they’d done the exact opposite of the thing I admired?”

This question aims to calm down the fantasies you may be comparing your life to or the nightmares you are trying to avoid in life.

As long as you don’t see both sides of things, you’re likely to have an imbalanced perspective, be unstable, and have emotions that weigh you down gravitationally and distract your mind. 

For this reason, such positive feedback loops cause you to dramatize, accentuate, and accelerate the emotional drama in your life, which then weighs you down and distracts you from being present.

However, asking quality questions that bring homeostasis and balance to the mind allow you to see both sides reflectively, liberate your mind from emotional baggage, and give you permission to do something more extraordinary with your life. 

The reason I created my signature two-day program, The Breakthrough Experience, is to introduce this series of questions to help people master their life, because anything that you’re infatuated with - you’re blind to the downside; and anything you’re resentful of - you’re blind to the upside.

It is wise to ask the questions, “What’s the downside of what you’re attracted to and what’s the upside to what you are repelled from?” 

If you answer those questions and equally perceive the downsides and the upsides, you will be more likely to avoid being run by the external world. Instead, you can intrinsically poise and center yourself, so you can stay focused on your intrinsic inspired mission. 

This is the path to being a master of your destiny, instead of a victim of your history. 

Any disowned parts in your life disempowers you.

The unconscious awareness that you’re not fully mindful of is what disempowers you and distracts you in life

So again, the quality of your life is based on the quality of the questions you ask yourself – quality questions bring homeostasis, balance and purpose. 

Questions such as “Why did this happen to me? Why can’t I have what they have?” result in a disempowered victim mentality that polarizes your emotions, dramatizes your life, and lets the world on the outside run you, instead of you running your life from the inside.

Here are seven more high-quality questions to ask yourself daily to aid the further mastery of your life:

I have asked myself these seven questions for many years. I’ve fulfilled many of my dreams through this method, and so have many of my friends and students using the same questions.

  1. What would I absolutely love to do in life? 

This question helps bring clarity into your conscious mind, one of your heartfelt and meaningful dreams or objectives. 

  1. How do I become handsomely or beautifully paid to do it

This question helps you awaken your creativity and helps you reward yourself in return. It helps make your vocation, your vacation. Why not get financially rewarded for doing whatever you love? 

  1. What are the seven highest-priority actions I could complete today to enable me to do it? 

This question helps you see how possible it is to accomplish this or any other meaningful dream or objective. It enables you to organize your actions. 

  1. What obstacles might I run into, and how do I solve them in advance? 

This question helps you plan more effectively and prepares you for the challenges you might face in advance. It enables you to act more than react along your journey. 

  1. What worked and what didn’t work today? 

This question helps you to refine your actions and keep them on priority. All great endeavors require such feedback. 

  1. How do I do what I would love more effectively and efficiently? 

This question helps you to consistently think of more effective and efficient ways of accomplishing your meaningful dream or objective.

  1. How did whatever I experienced today - whether positive or negative, serve me? 

This question helps you realize that all great endeavors come with both supportive and challenging consequences, both of which act as feedback mechanisms to assist you along your accomplishment journey.


In Conclusion


  • The quality of your life is based on the quality of questions you ask. If you want a quality life, it demands quality questions. 
  • If you intend to live a masterful life, it is wise to ask quality questions that bring you mastery. 
  • If you can learn to ask masterful questions, like the ones I have shared with you above, you may be amazed at what you can accomplish in your life.
  • Questions, like those in the Demartini Method that I teach in The Breakthrough Experience, help you liberate yourself from the emotional baggage you carry around that’s likely robbing you of being fully conscious of the magnificence of who you are and the magnificence of your life.
  • Quality questions allow you to see the hidden order in the apparent chaos, and that’s the kind of questions you are wise to fill your day with - quality questions that liberate you from emotional drains and frustrations that you face in life because of your perceptions.
  • Your quality of life also depends on the quality and quantity of actions you take daily. Begin to ask higher quality questions and begin to act on your dreams today.


The Demartini Method is a breakthrough discovery and cutting-edge personal transformation methodology that results in a new perspective and paradigm in thinking and feeling and which helps awaken your authenticity and mastery. 

It is the key methodology incorporated in Demartinian Psychology. The Demartini Method consists of Executive Function Development exercises used strategically to drive the evolution of the brain - from subcortical dominance to prefrontal cortex or executive center dominance. 

It is the culmination of more than five decades of research and studies in numerous disciplines, including physics, philosophy, theology, metaphysics, psychology, astronomy, mathematics, neurology, and physiology. It’s a cognitive process that involves balancing your mathematical equations of perceptions through a continuous thinking and writing action, driving you from your more primitive survival brain (systems 1) dominance to your more advanced thrival self-governing (systems 2) brain dominance.

The Demartini Method results in greater self-governing executive function and thus life mastery.

It is a powerful transformation process used by many leading specialists in the mind mastery field such as psychology, psychiatry, coaching, mentoring, teaching, and holistic healing.

If you’d love to find out more, click here. You can also chat with a member of the Demartini team by booking a call here.


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