Values Impact All
Aspects of Your Life

If you’re like most people, when asked what your values are, you might find yourself listing abstract qualities such as: honesty, integrity, trust. Or perhaps you’ll refer to a set of religious beliefs, a patriotic ideal, or a code of morality.

These are probably not really your own personal values. Rather, they’re what I call social idealisms: socially acceptable ways of thinking and behaving.

Social idealisms sound nice. But they don’t necessarily reflect the true driving force that shapes your perceptions, decisions, actions, and feelings.

You might genuinely believe that you’re inspired by these ideals. But they are more likely to reflect your ideas of how you think you should, ought to, or have to behave - not what you truly value most.

Whatever your set of values are, they will also dictate and generate your private morals and public ethics.

Anything you perceive as supporting your higher values you’ll open up to and label it `good`.

Anything you perceive as challenging your higher values you’ll shut down to and label it `bad`.

The more important a value is, the higher it will be on your hierarchy of values list and the more discipline, reliability, order and organization you will have associated with it (steadied, focused – attention surplus order).

The less important a value is, the lower it will be on your hierarchy of values list and the more indiscipline, unreliability, disorder and disorganization you will have associated with it (unsteadied, scattered – attention deficit disorder).

When something is low on your values list you will procrastinate, hesitate and frustrate doing it.

Imperative language is a key indicator as to whether you’re truly living congruently with what you value most or not.

Pay close attention to the words you’re using on a daily basis.

Anytime you find yourself using imperative language such as 'shoulds', 'ought to's', 'have to's', 'got to's', 'need to's' - it's feedback letting you know you’ve injected the values of some outside authority and you’re now going against your own values trying to fit in with theirs.

It means you’re not doing something inspired and intrinsic. It’s an external force pushing you and motivating you to do something you don’t actually want to do. This is where you disengage, and this energy saps your vitality.

Your true individual values are demonstrated by the indicative language 'choose to', 'love to', 'inspired to'.

You identify yourself by your highest value.

If you have young children and your highest value is your children, you will call yourself a mother or father when asked who you are. If you have businesses and your highest value is business, you will call yourself a business entrepreneur when asked who you are.

If you are a young teenager and your highest value is playing baseball, you will call or identify yourself a baseball player when asked who you are.

Whatever is highest on your list of values is your identity.

People often say, “I’ve got to find my passion” or “I’m looking for work or a relationship that I can be passionate about.” As a result, many have come to believe that the secret to an inspired life is passion. “Passion,” however, is not a synonym for our highest values.

“Passion” literally means “suffering.”

It refers not to our most inspired or higher natures, but to our animal selves, the ungoverned, out-of-control emotions that often drive us toward immediate gratification, addiction, and other states that are by definition not aligned with our highest values.

Passion often drives us to seek a kind of perpetual bliss that is unobtainable even as we strive to avoid unhappiness, challenges, discomfort, or suffering, which are ultimately unavoidable.

So if you choose to live by your passion, you are not living according to your highest values. You are simply following the impulses and instincts of your animal nature, manifesting lust, greed, gluttony, sloth, and addiction — “passions” that can become significant obstacles to leading a fulfilled and inspired life.

Indeed, when people live according to their lower values — when they follow other people’s values or subordinate themselves to social idealisms — they often seek immediate gratification, passion, or some other type of addictive pleasure. Instead of starting on the long, rewarding journey of inner fulfillment of their highest values, they seek instant gains and outer pleasures.

Rather than being driven by passion, truly fulfilled human beings will follow their mission, inspired by their highest values and most integrated being.

Just as your values are completely individual and unique to you, so is your mission the expression of your own unique contribution to the world.

Discovering this mission — the contribution that only you can make — is the key to a life that can be meaningful beyond your wildest dreams.

Whatever is highest on your list of values is also something that you will endure and even embrace the balance of pain or pleasure in its pursuit equally.

Things that are highest on your list of values you will do whatever it takes to fulfill, regardless of outer challenges or circumstances.

And since whatever is highest on your list of values is your purpose, you will not let anything stop you from fulfilling it.

You will persevere toward its fulfillment. Nothing will stop you from your highest value.

Anytime you’re attempting to live by somebody else’s value, you’re going to lose your identity and you’re going to self-depreciate. You’re designed to self-depreciate anytime you’re living by anything other than your highest values.

Whenever you set goals according to your highest values, you tend to be more objective and more resiliently balanced or neutral. When you set goals in your highest values, you’re likely to be more centered in your true self-worth which will tend to awaken a spontaneous, intrinsic drive to expand your empowerment.

When you truly value yourself, the world values you. Remember, the magnificence of who you are (your highest values) far exceeds any fantasy set of values you could be attempting to impose upon yourself.

Isn’t it interesting that so many people subordinate themselves to great leaders - political, religious, and artistic leaders - and yet, the great leaders achieved their influence precisely by not subordinating themselves and trying to live according to somebody else's values?

Great leaders refuse to placate the social norm or to remain stuck in stagnant traditions or old paradigms. Great leaders are authentically living according to their highest values. They embrace the challenge of giving birth to new original ideas and new visions by living in their highest values, and thus ultimately succeed in making significant and novel contributions to the world.You can do exactly the same thing if you choose. You can resemble the great leaders who have left their mark on history. You can draw on your truest self - as expressed by your highest value - to make a great contribution to the world.

Whenever you set goals and intentions that are congruent with your highest values you will walk your talk. You’ll be spontaneously inspired to solve problems and awaken your greatest potential as a human being. When you set goals that are congruent, you’ll be more likely to achieve them and you will awaken your natural inborn leader and generate certainty in your actions.

You will awaken a belief in yourself that you know what to do, who you are and that you can. You will become affirmative towards the universe and feel that the universe is working in your favor.

As Albert Einstein emphasized, his contempt for authority made him one. You are not here to live in the shadows of anyone, only to stand upon the shoulders of the greats. Each man or woman’s power comes from their ability to understand and fulfill their own highest values and to shape their lives accordingly.

If you’re not filling the needs or higher values of the individuals that you’re selling to – customers, clients or students – there will be no business.

If you narcissistically project your values onto your clients and don’t meet their needs, eventually the feedback is likely to let you know that it’s not working.

If you altruistically sacrifice your needs to try to fill their highest values, your profit margins will tend to go down as a result. So, in order to make a fair exchange that is sustainable, you need to have equity.

If you’re not meeting people’s needs (their highest values) there’s no demand.

When you run a business, the hierarchy of your values as a leader will influence all the way down the line, including anyone you hire.

Individuals don’t tend to go to work for the sake of a company, but instead they go to fulfill what they value most. If they feel that their job duties are helping them fulfill what they value most, they are likely to be engaged, inspired, productive, innovative, creative, love going to work, have gratitude for their job, love what they do, and be inspired by the vision.

Learning how to delegate what’s lower on your values to someone who has the task higher on their values frees you up to do the highest priority, most important thing you can do to serve the greatest number of people and produce the most income.

If you can’t communicate what YOU value most in terms of what OTHER people (your employees) value most, they’re less likely to be engaged.

It’s for this reason that I suggest that each and every employee of yours goes through the FREE Demartini Value Determination Process on my website. Consider doing the same with the individuals that you hire. Then go through it with them being mindful and cognizant that their highest values are the only thing you can expect them to do.

You will self-depreciate when you are not living according to your own unique values, and subordinating to outside authorities trying to live in their values.

You’re only sustainable in your own highest values. If you don't learn to value yourself, don't expect to have wealth. If you don't acknowledge the value of your unique expression of life, the world will keep devaluing it until you do.

Whenever I speak about money to audiences and ask the question ‘How many of you want to be financially independent?’, everyone raises their hand. When I then ask how many of them actually are financially independent, almost no one puts their hand up. This indicates that a lot of people are devaluing themselves and actually value buying things more than they do saving and putting money into things that generate more money. If you do not have a value on wealth building, you cannot expect financial independence.

Money automatically goes to the person who values it the most. People who don’t value money keep spending it and make it disappear. So that’s why the rich get richer and the poor get poorer.

The higher the value you place on serving people, becoming fairly rewarded, and building wealth, the more likely you’ll save and invest money and build the fortune that you say you want.

The further away wealth building is from your highest values, the more wealth building and your highest values will conflict with each other. So if you truly want to build wealth, and wealth is not yet high on your values, your first step is to connect wealth building to your highest values.

So if you truly want to build wealth, and wealth is not yet high on your values, your first step is to connect wealth building to your highest values.

The art of communicating your values in terms of other people’s values is called “caring” when it is applied inside close relationships and “selling” when applied outside.

Anyone you perceive as supporting or living according to your higher values you tend to lift them up and place them on a pedestal and make them a hero or an authority. You tend to project their values into your life and attempt to live according to their values more than just yours. This leads you to experiencing internal moral dilemmas and a need for outside motivation to keep you “focused” or going against your own values wherever there is any distinction. You end up injecting their values into yours and hear yourself using imperatives like “I have got to,” “I should,” “I ought to,” “I am supposed to,” “I need to.” This results in a state of disempowerment.

Anyone you perceive as challenging or not living according to your higher values you tend to lower them down and place them in a pit and make them a villain or a subordinate to you. You’ll attempt to inject your values into their life and you’ll expect them to live according to your values more than just theirs. This leads them to experiencing internal moral dilemmas and a need for outside motivation to keep them “focused” or going against their values wherever there is any distinction. You end up projecting your values onto theirs and hear yourself using imperatives like “You have got to,” “You should,” “You ought to,” “You are supposed to,” “You need to.”

Expecting someone to live outside their highest values is futile and will lead you to frustration which is the source of many of your relationship conflicts.

Once you have identified your unique set of highest values and start living more congruently with what’s most important to you, you’re more likely to live by priority, fill your day with things that are deeply meaningful, and awaken your greatest potential.

People who live by priority (their highest values) tend to achieve more than people who don’t.

When it comes to mastering and empowering all areas of your life, there are seven divisions that I refer to:

Spiritual

Your meaningful purpose or
inspired mission for your life

Mental

Using your mental
capacities to the fullest

Vocational

Career success,
achievement, service

Financial

Financial freedom,
independence

Familial

Family love
and intimacy

Social

Social influence
and leadership

Physical

Health, stamina, strength,
and well-being

Any of these seven areas of life that you passively don’t empower will leave you vulnerable to becoming overpowered by more assertive others.

Plus, the more areas of your life you don’t empower, the more likely you are to feel like a victim of your history instead of a master of your destiny; that the world is controlling you; and that you are living by duty and not by design.

In my opinion, that’s not the wisest way to live.

My highest values are researching, writing, traveling, and teaching. Understanding these values has enabled me to create a life based on these values. I live on a luxury ship that enables me to travel the world even when I’m “at home,” studying the laws of human potential and writing about what I’ve discovered. I also fly around the globe to teach others about what I’ve learned.

Other people have different values.

Rose Kennedy’s highest value was raising a family of leaders. She spent her days nurturing, educating, and inspiring her children, grooming them for the leadership she envisioned as their birthright. She would not have found my life fulfilling, any more than I would have been fulfilled by hers. Yet by understanding her own highest value and shaping her life accordingly, she both found fulfillment and was of profound service to others.

Whenever I meet a parent who tells me that their highest value is caring for their children, I think of Rose Kennedy and the power she found in knowing her highest value.

One of my clients, a respected doctor, whose highest values was healing, learning more about healing, and teaching others to heal, his life faltered when he tried to build wealth and to create a fulfilling life for his family in a way that was disconnected from his highest values.His life became far more productive and fulfilling when he found a way to link his wealth-creating efforts to his highest values so that he could build wealth and security through healing, learning, and teaching.

Another client’s highest value was dancing. Although she was middle-aged and slightly overweight, she was a graceful woman who simply loved to dance. When I met her, she felt despair about not finding work that fulfilled her — and she had absolutely no idea that at her age, she could create a life organized around her devotion to dance. By showing her the power of values, I helped her build an international dance touring business based on the activity that she loved most. Her enterprise succeeded because it was deeply rooted in her highest values. This in turn enabled her to live her destiny, activate her genius, and create a fulfilling career.

Below are 5 of the 13 Value Determination Questions. By answering all 13 questions 3 times, you’ll end up with 39 answers that you’ll organize in priority to determine what’s most important to you:

1. What do you fill your personal, intimate, or virtual space with most?
2. How do you spend your time most?
3. How you spend your energy and what energizes you most?
4. How do you spend your money most?
5. Where are you ordered and organized most?

To access the full set of 13 Value Determination questions click here.

You will think that you are making mistakes when you inwardly judge yourself for your perceptions, decisions and actions made according to your own true highest values when you are comparing them to those values you have injected from the authority you admire.

You will think that others are making mistakes when you inwardly judge them for their perceptions, decisions and actions made according to their own true highest values, when you are comparing them to the values you have projected from yourself to the subordinate you despise.

Whenever you judge your own perceptions, decisions or actions, unconsciously determined by your own hierarchy of values according to the values of those you admire you will judge yourself negatively and become ungrateful to you.

Whenever you judge their perceptions, decisions or actions, unconsciously determined by their own hierarchy of values according to your values you will judge them negatively and become ungrateful to them.

Imbalanced perceptions of others, leads to ungrateful states of mind. People you infatuate with or resent occupy space and time in your mind and influence your behavior and leave you ungrateful to yourself or them. By subordinating to the authority of others you automatically decrease the probability of living true to your own highest values. Remember, envy is ignorance and imitation is suicide.

The reason you end up infatuating with others is because you are too humble to admit that what you see in them is already inside you - to the same degree and kind, magnitude and multitude, quantity and quality. You are deflective in your awareness, not reflective, meaning you are not owning in you what you see around you.

As Aristotle shared, the seer, the seeing and the seen are actually the same, but you have not yet awakened your awareness to your true self completely.

You resent others because you are too proud to admit that what you see in them is already inside you - to the same degree and kind and again you are deflective.

As Schopenhauer believed, you become your true and whole self to the degree that you make everyone and everything else yourself. Nothing is ultimately missing in you. You just have not yet awakened to it or recognized it. As Plato believed, all learning is recollection.

Your mind will become clouded by brain noise, which is the accumulation of the injected and projected values and their resultant moral dilemmas.

Your mind will become true and clear only when it is reflective and balanced.

Since you are unique according to your unique set of values, your most original, ingenious, innovative ideas will emerge from your mind only when your mind is balanced and reflective, not deflective.

Leaders emerge out of authentic states.

When the voice and vision on the inside is louder and more powerful than all the opinions of the outside you have begun to master your life.

I would rather have the whole world against me than my own soul.

When you try to live incongruently with your highest values and you are not true to yourself and not authentic, the world offers subtle, or in some cases drastic feedback responses to you.

All symptoms in each of the seven areas of your life represent feedback to you to be authentic.

There are certain signs that you can look out for, be aware of, to know if you are trying to live by someone else’s values.

1. You hear yourself using imperative language: ’I should be doing this’, ’I ought to be doing this’, ’I am supposed to be doing this’, ’I need to do this’, ’I must do this’, ’I got to do this’, ’I have to do this’, instead of: ’I love to do this’, ’This is what and who I am’, ’This is what I choose to do’, ’This is what I dreamed about’. When you are doing something that is high on your values, you don’t say ’should.’
2. You will experience the ABCDEFGHI’s of Negativity. Anytime you have unrealistic expectations on yourself to live outside your own values, you are going to beat yourself up with the resultant ABCDEFGHI’s of negativity.

*ABCDEFGHI’s of negativity: Anger and Aggression, Blame and Betrayal, Criticism and Challenge, Despair and Depression, desire to Exit and Escape, Futility and Frustration, Grouchiness and Grief, Hatred and Hurt, Insanity and Irritability

You basically have to make sure that you are congruent with your highest values or you will automatically feel that you are beating yourself up inside. That beating yourself up inside is actually a gift because it is trying to get you to set authentic goals according to your real highest values. That is your mind/body trying to help you get authentic and get congruent and set real objectives that match your true highest values.

So these are signs that when you are not living according to our highest values you will feel like you are ’sabotaging’ and you will feel you can’t stay focused or that you can’t stay disciplined. You may even say to yourself ’What is wrong with me? Why can’t I do what I say I should do?’ and these kinds of internal imperatives. This language all gives the incongruence away.