DR JOHN DEMARTINI - Updated 5 months ago
You may have experienced a time when you were at a business event or social function and met someone you perceived as being more INTELLIGENT than you. As such, you may have exaggerated them and minimized yourself relative to them.
Perhaps you had the opposite view and looked down on them, thereby exaggerating yourself in the process.
Anytime you exaggerate someone and minimize you, or minimize them and exaggerate you, you tend to cause a distortion of the self-image of who you are
The exaggeration and minimization of you is a mask, facade, or persona that you wear as opposed to your authentic self.
You may also judge them relative to you or you relative to them. If you judge them as being above you, you'll tend to look up at them and think you should be more like them. If you look down on them, you may think they should be more like you.
The energy of judging others creates noise in your brain/mind. This is because anyone that you put on a pedestal or in a pit occupies space and time in your mind. As such, your distorted perceptions of them tend to run you until you level the playing field and put them in your heart. The moment you do that, the noise tends to go away.
The world around you, together with your physiology and psychology, reward you for authenticity by clearing the noise, “opening” your heart, and allowing you to be grateful for them and for you.
You may also meet someone you perceive as being more or less “successful” in BUSINESS than you. As such, you may tend to look up to them and think they've achieved more business-wise, or look down on them and think you've achieved more.
A similar result occurs as mentioned above whereby you have a distorted view of yourself and likely end up creating your personas again.
In fact, the whole field of personal development is the reintegration of those personas - those exaggerated and minimized selves - into your authentic self.
- Whenever you look up at somebody and minimize yourself, you likely experience self-depreciation, and lowered self-esteem.
- Whenever you look down on somebody and exaggerate yourself, you likely experience self-aggrandizement and elevated self-esteem.
Neither of these is the real authentic you.
Because both elevated or depressed self-esteem are facades.
Most individuals don't understand that elevated or depressed self-esteem are facades that wrap and oscillate around your true self-worth.
Your true self-worth shines when you're in a state of reflective awareness where the SEER, the SEEING and the SEEN are the same. In other words, what you see out there is you.
- When you put others on pedestals, you tend to be too humble to admit what you see in them is inside you.
- When you put them in pits, you're too proud to admit what you see in them is inside you.
Your pride and humility aren't the real you because you've exaggerated or minimized yourself with high or low self-esteem facades instead of your true self-worth, which is a reflective awareness.
In fact, the highest and most fulfilling level of awareness is reflective awareness.
You may also exaggerate or minimize others in terms of FINANCES and perceive that others are more or less wealthy than you. As a result, you may feel prosperous or poor relative to them.
Those fluctuating emotional states of exaggeration or minimization, and minimization or exaggeration of self, aren’t the real authentic you.
This can also occur in RELATIONSHIPS. You may observe what you perceive as being someone’s stable relationship and begin comparing your relationship with theirs.
Anytime you compare your current relationship reality to a fantasy about somebody else, you're unlikely to appreciate your own relationship.
As long as you have a fantasy about who someone is, you're less likely to love who you are and what your relationship is.
Your relationship can rarely if ever win when it's compared to a fantasy that relationships can exist where there are all upsides and no downsides.
Don't be fooled by other people’s facades. There is no-one out there who doesn't have the positives and negatives, ups and downs, pleasures and pains, peace and war, and hugs and slugs in their relationship dynamic.
So, anytime you compare yourself to someone that appears ‘good’ on Facebook or in your social circles, you're buying into a fantasy that doesn’t exist.
As an example, I'm not a nice person and I'm also not a mean person. Those are personas. I'm an individual human being who can be nice if you support my values and mean if you challenge my values. I have both polarities, as does everyone else. So it is wise to avoid perceiving that someone is one-sided because they’ll fool you and you'll set yourself up for an illusion or distorted comparison.
This could also occur SOCIALLY. You may put individuals on pedestals and think they have way more social influence or more followers on social media than you.
Anytime you minimize yourself to somebody, you're likely to be more introverted.
Anytime you exaggerate yourself, you're likely to be more outspoken.
Individuals who minimize themselves typically listen and not speak out. Individuals who exaggerate themselves tend to speak out and not listen. So, both personas aren’t likely to give rise to the most effective communication and respectful dialogue.
This could also occur PHYSICALLY when you perceive that someone is more or less attractive, physically toned, vitalized, energized, or have a better body than you. As such, you may tend to minimize or exaggerate yourself relative to them.
I've met individuals who are extremely attractive but who can’t see their own beauty because they're too busy comparing themselves to other individuals and photoshopped images in the media.
I have met tens of thousands of individuals around the world who can't see their own beauty and their own magnificent structure, nor can they comprehend that they’ve been given a body that's perfect for their mission.
This can also occur SPIRITUALLY when you perceive someone else as being more or less spiritually aware than you.
The reality is that everyone is spiritual in their own form. If someone is dedicated to raising a family of children, that's their spiritual path. If they want to build a business, that's their spiritual path. My spiritual path, as an example, is teaching.
Everyone's on a so-called dharmic spiritual path according to what they value most. It is wise not to compare yourself to others and think they're more or less spiritual than you are. It's an illusion that you can allow yourself to get trapped in.
Again, your most authentic self is more magnificent than any fantasies or nightmares you impose on yourself when you minimize or exaggerate yourself relative to others.
What’s interesting is that you have an area of your brain called the executive center in the forebrain.
When you live in alignment with your highest values, you tend to live most authentically because your highest value is what your identity revolves around.
When you delegate lower priority tasks and live by your highest priority, your blood, glucose and oxygen go into the medial prefrontal cortex or forebrain. As such, this area of the brain, also known as the executive center, comes online.
It’s for this reason that you are likely to have more governance over your perceptions, have more balanced and objective views, be less likely to judge, and be more authentic in your expression when you’re aligned with your highest values and living by priority.
You’re also less likely to wear personas and masks that undermine your true potential and power to be yourself.
Envy is ignorance and imitation is suicide.
The second you put individuals on pedestals, you become likely to envy them and try to imitate them, and cover your authentic self in the process.
- When you're infatuated with someone, you tend to be conscious of their upsides and unconscious of their downsides. You’ll also tend to beat yourself up, become conscious of your downsides and unconscious of your upsides.
- When you minimize individuals and resent them, you tend to concentrate on their downsides and not see their upsides. You’ll also tend to concentrate on your upsides and not see your downsides.
Again, those are just facades and not the true authentic you, not to mention the fact that neither of these states are mindful. Why? Because the conscious and unconscious mind is split.
Instead of being mindful and fully conscious, you divide yourself up into something and have deflected awareness where you're too proud or too humble to see what you see in them inside you, instead of a reflective awareness where you embrace both sides of them and you.
You’re not going to love yourself if you try to get rid of half of yourself.
You’re also not going to love yourself if you keep comparing yourself to other individuals.
This is because they have a completely different and unique list of values to you. If you try to live in their values, it's futile as there's no way you can sustainably live in someone else’s values, in the same way that trying to get them to live in your values is futile.
The most authentic you is the most empowered you.
When you exaggerate or minimize others or yourself, the blood, glucose, and oxygen go into the subcortical amygdala.
The amygdala is the survival center, so when you have exaggerated or minimized perceptions of others and yourself, you tend to go into survival mode. When you do, you try to avoid pain and challenges, and seek pleasure and fantasies. It’s also when you’re likely to seek immediate gratification and display addictive, impulsive, and consumptive traits.
Freud called this state the id or the idiot, because you're in ungoverned, uncontrolled animal behavior, instead of an executive angelic behavior where you're loving and appreciating individuals.
The authentic you is where the power is.
The real you intuitively tries to express itself. Each time you are aligned with your highest value, you automatically wake up the authentic you.
That's why if you're living by your highest priority and delegating the rest, you're unlikely to be fulfilled in life. It’s also why, when you do, you feel on top of the world instead of feeling as if the world is on top of you.
When you don’t live by priority, you tend to spend your days putting out fires and trying to please opportunists while everyone projects their expectations on you. As such, you are at risk of losing your identity and missing out on your magnificence, power, energy and vitality.
The authentic you loves, appreciates, grows and expands.
Each time you exaggerate or minimize yourself relative to others or others relative to you, you disempower yourself. And any area of your life that you disempower, other individuals will overpower.
You're designed to be humbled if you're cocky and lifted up if you're shamed to try to get you back into authenticity.
Every one of the criticisms you get from other individuals when you're cocky and challenging them, is feedback to try to bring you back into authenticity. Every time someone supports and lifts you up to try to bring you back into authenticity is because you're exaggerating or minimizing yourself.
When you don't exaggerate or minimize yourself, individuals tend to put you in their hearts and love you.
To sum up:
- The real you is magnificent. The false you is going to create symptoms to bring to your attention the fact that you're not being true to yourself.
- You have control of your perceptions, decisions, and actions. In the Breakthrough Experience, I teach individuals how to take control and command of those.
- When you're aligned with your highest values, you activate your executive center and have self-governance. As such, you are more likely to be the master of your life instead of a victim of your history.
- When you’re living in your lower values and not living by priority, you tend to exaggerate or minimize others relative to you or you relative to them. This is when you’re more likely to activate your amygdala or survival center and react emotionally to the world, judge others or yourself, and be subjective.
- Whatever you see on the outside is a reflection of you. When you resent others, it’s likely a reminder of something you feel ashamed of. When you admire others, it's a reminder of something you're proud of in yourself. It’s wise to realize that what you see in them, you’re seeing a reflection of yourself.
- The magnificence of who you are is far greater than any fantasies you'll impose on yourself.
- Giving yourself permission to be you is a game changer and can transform your life. A wise place to start is completing the free online Demartini Value Determination Process so you can live by priority, and registering for the Breakthrough Experience so I can teach you to master your life by mastering your mind.
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