READ TIME: 7m
DR JOHN DEMARTINI - Updated 3 weeks ago
When you arrogantly try to get something for nothing narcissistically, or humbly try to give something for nothing altruistically in your various relationship transactions neither extreme is sustainable. Both extremes result in negative feedback responses that are designed to re-establish authenticity, sustainable fair exchange, and equity.
Like for negative feedback responses within your physical body striving for homeostasis, negative feedback responses within your various relationship transactions are striving to help you obtain, or maintain equanimity and equity and therefore overall life mastery.
People in relationships intuitively compare their inputs, benefits, and rewards to their outputs, contributions, and costs and strive for equity to create a sustainable fair exchange, at home, at work, and in their social life.
When someone challenges you and you exaggerate your perception of yourself and importance over them and think you are superior, you awaken your narcissistic persona, tend to project your values onto them and try to get them to live more in your values. You then try to get something for nothing, (sacrifice them for yourself, which is ultimately futile) which eventually makes them diminish their desire to continue transacting with you. This eventually builds up resentment in them towards you to reestablish a more sustainable fair exchange.
When someone supports you and you minimize your perception of yourself and importance under them and think you are inferior, you awaken your altruistic persona, tend to inject their values into yourself and try to get yourself to live more in their values. You then try to give something for nothing (sacrifice yourself to them, which is ultimately futile), which eventually makes you diminish your desire to continue transacting with them. This eventually builds up resentment in you towards them to reestablish a more sustainable fair exchange.
When you are neither superior, nor inferior to someone, you reach a state of equanimity within yourself and a state of equity between you and them, and you are your authentic self, you awaken your sustainable fair exchange state of being and fairly give something for something where you and they are inspired to continue transacting. Here you have respectful dialogues more than alternating monologues and you love the relationship.
There are seven primary areas of life that you can empower and master: Mentally, Vocationally, Financially, Familially, Socially, Physically and Spiritually. To master each area takes authenticity, sustainable fair exchange and equity in your daily transactions. Let me explain.
Mentally:
When you exaggerate your perceptions of positives in others and infatuate with them and put them up on pedestals and make them superior to you, you tend to minimize yourself in turn by the law of contrast. Then both you and them are not perceived objectively. Whatever you infatuate with in them and disown in you, occupies space and time in your subconscious mind, which clouds your mind with subjective bias, distortions and distractions. It is hard to sleep at night when you are highly infatuated. Here you will tend to sacrifice yourself for them altruistically for fear of their loss.
When you exaggerate your perceptions of negatives in others and resent them and put them down in pits and make them inferior to you, you tend to exaggerate yourself in turn by the law of contrast. Then both you and them are not perceived objectively. Whatever you resent in them and disown in you, occupies space and time in your subconscious mind, which clouds your mind with subjective bias, distortions and distractions. It is hard to sleep at night when you are highly resentful. Here you will tend to sacrifice them for yourself narcissistically for fear of their gain.
Both extremes cloud and distract your mind and undermine the more empowering mental functions of creativity, innovation, original thinking, and genius.
But a balanced equity between you and them and a balanced equanimity within yourself resulting from more reflective awareness clears, reawakens and empowers your creative mind.
Vocationally:
When you exaggerate your perceptions of positives in your customers or employees and infatuate with them and put them up on pedestals and make them superior to you, you minimize yourself in turn. Here you will tend to sacrifice yourself for them altruistically for fear of their loss. This can make you raise their salaries and lower your prices and profits, to keep them. And this will eventually make you feel you deserve more than your previously assumed in order to get you back into authenticity, sustainable fair exchange, and equity.
When you exaggerate your perceptions of negatives in your customers or employees and resent them and put them down in pits and make them inferior to you, you exaggerate yourself in turn. Here you will tend to sacrifice them for yourself narcissistically for fear of their gain. This can make you lower their salaries and raise your prices and profits, to have customers decline, employees collectively bargain to humble you back into equity. And this will eventually make you feel you deserve less than you previously assumed in order to get you back into authenticity, sustainable fair exchange, and equity.
Financially:
When you exaggerate yourself with pride as your investment within the financial market is heading up above the mean you can foolishly over-leverage your investments with other people's money on margin and enter into risky territory, which can humble you when it returns back down to the mean or below and the margin loan is called. Trying to get something for nothing by over-buying on leveraged margin has its price.
When you minimize yourself with shame as your investment within the financial market is heading down below the mean you can foolishly over-sell your investments and give deals to other buyers and again enter into risky territory, which can aggravate you when it returns back up to the mean or above. Trying to give something for nothing by over-selling has its price.
Familially:
When you come home cocky, feeling superior to your spouse, over deserving, and narcissistically expecting royal treatment, your spouse will naturally criticize and humble you and pull you back down into equilibrium to maintain a relationship match, and equity.
When you come home humble, feeling inferior to your spouse, under-deserving, and altruistically expecting pauper treatment your spouse will naturally praise and build you and lift you back up into equilibrium to maintain a relationship match and equity.
When you come home authentic and in a state of equanimity within you and a state of equity between you and your spouse they will be present and loving and in a state of authenticity, sustainable fair exchange, and equity to confirm and honor your state of authenticity. The purpose of marriage is to teach authenticity.
Socially:
When you become proud, superior, and arrogant to others, and expect something for nothing, society will cut you down and humble you like the tall poppy syndrome. Pride before the fall.
When you become shamed, inferior, and humble to others, and expect nothing for something, society will build you up. Humility before the rise.
Society will offer you negative feedback responses in the forms of criticism and praises, in order to help you be authentic, and help you return you sustainable fair exchange and equity with those you care about and influence.
Physically:
When you perceive yourself to be challenged by others and you become superior, arrogant, narcissistic and aggressive with a sympathetic autonomic response you create symptoms to let you know it - oxidation, hyperglycemia, tachycardia and hypertension.
When you perceive yourself to be supported by others and you become inferior, humble, altruistic and passive with a parasympathetic autonomic response you create symptoms to let you know it - reduction, hypoglycemia, bradycardia and hypotension.
When you are authentic, in a state of sustainable fair exchange, and equity, your psychology and physiology both return to a state of autonomic regulation, homeostasis, and wellness. Your physiology is constantly offering negative feedback responses to guide you to authenticity, equanimity, and equity.
Spiritually:
When you exaggerate or minimize yourself and become iniquitous you are not being your true authentic self. Your authentic self is poised, equanimous, present, inspired, enthused, grateful and loving. You are constantly being guided intuitively to express your most inspired state of being. You want to be love for who you are. When you are who you are you express and receive that love.
All seven areas of your life offer you negative feedback responses to let you know when you are not authentic and not in sustainable fair exchange and they are attempting to bring you back into authenticity, sustainability and equity.
All of the many symptoms you may experience in each area of your life are ultimately on the way, not in the way. They are natural homeostatic negative feedback systems to help teach you to maximize your awareness and potential upon planet Earth.
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