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DR JOHN DEMARTINI - Updated 1 month ago
I like to explain synchronicity as a synthesis of the past and future. In other words, if you were to take the past and the future and blend them together to get to the present moment, the now, you would have synchronicity.
Let’s take a step back so I can outline a few ideas here that may help your understanding of synchronicity and how it can help you master your mind, and master your life.
Imagine, if you will, that you meet someone you are attracted to and whom you begin infatuating with. What you may not know is that infatuation activates the more primitive, survival and animalistic part of your inner subcortical brain, the amygdala. This results in an impulse to move towards them, to seek them, and consume them – similar to how a predator reacts to prey in the wild.
When this infatuation occurs, you tend to be conscious of that individual’s upsides and unconscious of their downsides. In other words, you have a subjectively-interpreted perception of reality.
Over the next few days, weeks months or years, you will likely discover downsides that you were initially blind to. As a result, you’ll likely calm down the infatuation and get to a point where you're more balanced or centered and able to see both sides of the individual.
If you were to meet someone that you were repelled from and whom you were resentful to, on the other hand, you would be conscious of their downsides and unconscious of their upsides. You’ll likely want to avoid them and experience an avoidance instinct to get away from them as a means of protecting yourself from them because of the perceived challenge, threat, or lack of support they represent. Over time, you may discover some upsides to them and get to a point where you're more balanced and centered and able to see both sides of the individual.
When you infatuate with someone, you tend to minimize yourself to the individual you are placing on a pedestal. You may even begin sacrificing what is important to you in order to be with them.
When you resent someone, you tend to exaggerate yourself relative to them and try to get them to live inside your world and inside your highest values.
In other words, having a subjectively biased interpretation of your reality - being conscious of the upsides and unconscious of their downsides, or being conscious of their downsides and unconscious of their upsides - often results in you trying to live in someone else’s values or trying to get others to live in your values.
Another way of looking at these scenarios is that you develop a PHILIA if you’re infatuated or a PHOBIA if you’re repelled.
Philias and phobias are like two poles of a magnet in that they are inseparable.
- When you're infatuated with somebody, you likely fear their loss and fantasize about their gain.
- When you're phobic and frightened of somebody, you likely fear their gain while also fantasizing about their loss.
You can't have a phobia without a hidden philia and you can't have a philia without a hidden phobia. Every fantasy has its nightmare and every nightmare has its fantasy.
The brain automatically has these pairs of opposites, but human beings tend to separate them in time and space.
Wilhelm Wundt, one of the earliest experimental psychologists from the late 1800s, called this sequential contrast. In other words, when you see one side and then later see the other side. When you do that - when you separate things in time - you create memory and imagination. This is adding space and time to your mind.
So, if you have a memory that's painful, you're highly likely to have a fantasy in the future about escaping it. And, if you are infatuated and have a fantasy of achieving it in the future, you’ll likely fear losing it or have a phobia or nightmare of its opposite.
As long as you separate the two by being conscious of one side and unconscious of the other, you add time and space between them.
You also create a false causality or a false attribution bias that this individual makes you feel ‘happy’ and makes you feel ‘good’. And you have a false attribution bias and causality that makes you blame this individual for making you feel bad. As such, you create an illusive CAUSAL world.
Synchronicity is an ACAUSAL world. It's when you bring those two polarities into a state of simultaneity.
Wilhelm Wundt called this simultaneous contrast. As I said earlier, if you infatuate with something, you tend to resent its opposite; and if you resent something, you tend to infatuate with its opposite. These are two poles, and no-one has yet successfully managed to separate a positive and negative pole from a magnet (if you cut it in half, you end up with two magnets, each with a positive and negative pole). Yet your mind, when you are subjectively biased and misinterpret reality, makes you think that you can.
As a result, you tend to seek one and try to avoid the other.
In Buddhism, it is said that the desire for that which is unobtainable and the desire to avoid that which is unavoidable, is the source of human suffering. You suffer because you try to escape one side and have only one side without the other side – the one-sided magnet.
However, that’s not how life works because eventually, you tend to discover the downsides of what you infatuate with, and that the things you once perceived to be terrible may have actually catalyzed you to become more powerful in life.
That is – if you’re wise. If you’re not wise, you may instead want to blame things and be the victim, and hold onto to seeking fantasies of one sidedness, instead of seeing the pairs of opposites that are simultaneous.
Synchronicity is the simultaneous awareness of both sides: you’re fully aware that there are both upsides and downsides synchronously and actually perceiving neither.
When you infatuate with someone, you don’t truly know who they are. When you resent someone, you don’t truly know who they are. You only love someone for who they truly are when you love them (see both sides of them equally and synchronously).
Allow me to redefine true love. Many people perceive that love and hate are opposites, which I don’t believe to be the truth. I believe that to be an amygdala animal response and interpretation.
This state of presence called love, true love, is the embracing of both sides simultaneously.
The individual that you love, you'll tend to have times when you like them and want to hug them, and other times when you dislike them and want to slug them. The hugs and slugs, as I like to put it.
If you see one without the other, you'll tend to be elated or depressed, which traps you in a causal world. And a causal world is entropic, which means it has disorder and that you will tend to age. Aging is a byproduct of the entropy that occurs in your mind when you see one side and don't see the other side simultaneously.
Claude Shannon, in his work on information theory and on entropy and disorder, said that disorder is missing information.
However, when you are fully aware of all the information, or mindful, you are able to see the hidden order in the apparent chaos.
I'm inspired to help people see the hidden order in their daily life. If you see the hidden order, you extract out space and time from your mind and become fully present. That is synchronicity - the state of love and inspiration.
In this state, you’re not infatuated or resentful or in your amygdala where you are seeking or avoiding. Instead, you’ll tend to be in your super cortical state, the highest area of the brain, where you're able to see things objectively.
The term objectivity means neutral, non-biased, nonpartial, and not polarized, and instead neutral, objective, and rational.
When you see both sides simultaneously, you tend to be fully present and in a timeless mind, ageless body as Deepak Chopra would describe. This is because the entropy in your life that causes aging and illness is the result of all your polarizations and moments of incomplete awareness.
Mindfulness means you have a full mind instead of missing information or disowned parts.
- When you infatuate with someone and you minimize yourself, you tend to be too humble to admit what you see in them inside you, which results in a missing part.
- When you resent someone and exaggerate yourself, you tend to be too proud to admit what you see in them is inside you, which results in a missing part.
These missing parts are the result of you not acknowledging that what you see in the world is a reflection of yourself and, in doing so, often results in you creating false causalities and attribution biases.
However, when you have reflective awareness, see that you have both sides and see that others have both sides, you have equanimity within yourself, which is authenticity; and you have equity between you and them, which allows you to have sustainable, fair exchange communication. The transaction between you and others can now be sustainable.
When you puff yourself up, you tend to be narcissistic and want to get something for nothing. When you beat yourself up and minimize yourself to someone you put on a pedestal, you tend to want to give something for nothing. Neither of those is sustainable.
The only thing that's sustainable is sustainable fair exchange occurring in equanimity within you and equity between you and other people. And that takes place when you have extracted out the entropy and the false causalities where you give credit and blame. Instead, you are able to feel love true love for them and you.
True synchronicity is the extraction of space and time out of your mind and the state of presence where your heart opens.
An open heart often results in you having tears of inspiration, a feeling of grace, a feeling of love, a feeling of presence, a feeling of certainty, and a feeling of entheos or enthusiasm. It’s when you recognize the hidden order or what theologians have called the divine order or synchronicities in your life, and realize that there's nothing to change in you relative to others and nothing to change in others relative to you.
In the Breakthrough Experience program that I teach most every week, I love helping people reach that state. Over the past 50 years, I developed a scientific method called the Demartini Method that is designed to help anyone who may have any infatuations, resentments or emotional charges, enter a state of synchronicity, homeostasis and balance.
The Demartini Method is a scientific set of questions that you can use in any situation in your life – each time you feel yourself becoming reactive, subjective, and with impulses towards and instincts away from people and situations.
True synchronicity is the extraction of space and time out of your mind so you can be fully present. The more meditatively, mindful and present you are, the higher the probability of an acausal state.
While some therapies may suggest that you’re a victim of something that happened to you in the past, I have seen people who have been labeled as having anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorders dissolve that emotional baggage right in front of their eyes. If you believe you are a victim, you are unlikely to see the synchronicities in your life.
I'm more interested in helping you become accountable and appreciative. Accountable means bringing a balance sheet to your mind simultaneously where you can see and solve the equations of the pairs of opposites.
As such, you are more able to see both sides at the same time, to feel love and gratitude, to see the hidden order, to be truly present, and to have certainty instead of volatility.
To sum up:
If you would love to empower your life, no longer be a victim of your history, learn to become a master of your destiny, and expand your awareness and potential to see the magnificent pairs of opposites that are present, then I would love to help you with that.
The Breakthrough Experience program will show you how to take whatever has happened in your life and transform it into something you can say thank you for, because anything you can't say thank you for is baggage, anything you can say thank you for is fuel.
As such, you can reduce the entropy that's aging you and get on with something that's fueling you.
I'm a firm believer that there's a hidden order in your apparent chaos – there is no reason for you to live anything less than an extraordinary life where you are aware of the synchronicities around you, and are a step closer to mastering your life. Join me at the next Breakthrough Experience program and witness the trajectory of your life change in two days.
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