Between positively and negatively charged particles is a center point of light. Between positively and negatively charged emotions is the center point of love. The center point is what every human being already is, yet elusively still seeks. True love is our ultimate objective, whether we are aware of it or not. We may think we’re looking for something else, something material and fleeting, but even the pursuit of transient goals just leads us back to the truth of love. The purpose of all relationships is to dissolve the barriers that keep us from recognizing the love that already is and expressing the love we ultimately are.
We each have a hierarchy of values or priorities; from the things we think are extremely important, all the way down to the things we think don’t matter. Your priorities or values dictate your destiny. Anything that supports your highest values you call “good” and are attracted to; anything that challenges them you call “bad” and are repelled by. Your values are based on the perception that something is missing, that a void exists. But the Law of Conservation says that nothing is missing, it’s just in a form you haven’t recognized. You think you’re missing it; therefore, you seek it, and anything you think supports that search you call good and anything that challenges it you call bad. Our values determine the way in which we conduct our relationships.
There are three ways to conduct a relationship, and each one has an entirely different outcome. A careless relationship is one in which you project and focus on your own values without considering your partner at all. A careful relationship is when you think in terms of your partner’s values without considering your own…this one is called “walking on eggshells”. Both are one-sided approaches that ignore the other person and create tension in the relationship. But a caring relationship is one where you communicate your values in terms of theirs. You think of both sides simultaneously, expressing your love for yourself and each other. The definition of caring is knowing someone well enough to know their values and caring enough to express your values in terms of theirs. Whenever something supports your values, you take away the rules, and when something challenges your values, you set rules. Nations do it, companies do it and you do it in relationships. You set up rules when your values feel threatened.
Often when we are in a relationship, we unwisely think the other person is supposed to be like us but if any two people are exactly the same, one of them is unnecessary. The purpose of a relationship is to teach us to love the parts we’ve disowned. Each person has their own unique set of values and no two people have the same set.
Each person expresses love through his or her own values. When we honor our partners value system, we realize that we are surrounded by love in forms we don’t even recognize.
How to identify your values
How to identify your partners
How to dissolve tension in relationships
How to communicate more effectively
How to recognize the love that is already there
The power to transform your life is in your heart. You only need the courage to open it.
Dr. John Demartini is a human behaviour specialist, educator, author and the founder of the Demartini Institute.