Written, Audio and Video from Dr Demartini
A New Perspective and Paradigm for a Fulfilled Life
By Dr John Demartini
The new mainstream movement toward so-called ‘positive thinking' has left millions of people worldwide with unrealistic expectations and depressed and asking questions such as ‘why can't I stay positive all the time?'
The solution: In place of expecting only a one-sided ‘positive thinking' it is wiser to expect a more balanced thinking. This expectation is more realistic and ultimately leads to more ‘gratitude' which is one of the keys to a fulfilling and meaningful life. Fulfillment is therefore the result of accomplishment based upon more realistic expectations and a balanced way of thinking. My book, ‘The Gratitude Effect' explores exactly how a balanced perspective and heartfelt gratitude leads to self-awareness, personal achievement and wealth ‘in all areas of life'. The main tenet is for people to be grateful for what they are realistically able to accomplish. By doing so they will be able to give and receive much more in turn. Balance is also involved in the way we perceive others.
The old adage, ‘if you can spot it, you've got it,' has great application and meaning. If there is something about another person you are having difficulty appreciating or loving, then there is the same part in you that you are having difficulty loving. According to John Archibald Wheeler of Advanced Studies at Princeton New Jersey, because the universe originates from a single source, everything is connected and entangled. All of us are connected and entangled and as Aristotle emphasized, we are all reflections of each other. We become our selves, to the degree that we make everyone else ourselves.
We develop our priorities or values based upon what we perceive or assume to be missing or lacking in our lives. If we think or feel we are lacking money, then we tend to value and seek money; if we imagine ourselves as lacking affection, then we value and seek affection; if we feel we lack a nice home, friends or a quality job, we place them higher on our value system. Whatever is most perceived as missing, we value. Then we see those that appear to have all that we perceive we lack, a movie star or a business leader, and we subordinate ourselves to them and their values. Now our own true values recede into our unconscious. We are now trying to be someone else, someone we are not. Now our world is filled with ‘shoulds', ‘ought tos' and ‘have tos' - the imperatives, instead of living congruently with our true priorities.
But we still have our own values deep inside, though now they are unconscious, though we are attempting to act like somebody we are not. This raises a moral dilemma. Our desires must be true and congruent with our highest values if we are to create the reality we are meant to live. When we are true to and congruent with our highest values we become inspired from within and do not require motivation from without, nor are we as likely to be as envious and or as imitating. Our confidence grows and we awaken our inner, though often hidden leader.
In relationships, we attract into our lives the things that we need most and that challenge us. When a partner's values are different, it is wise to look at how those different values still contribute to our life and allow us to do the things we love. Only then can we truly appreciate the one that we are with. It's about appreciating someone for who they are and discovering how their values truly serve yours. There is a common ground if your care enough to truly look. If you do not, you may end up bored or burned out and choose to move on to someone else to dance another pair of opposites with. Love involves a balance of support and challenge. When you feel more support than challenge you become infatuated. When you feel more challenge than support you become resentful. When you feel a balance of support and challenge you experience true love.