70% of those who celebrate Valentine's Day give a card; 49% call their sweethearts; 48% give a gift; 37% cook a special dinner; 33% give candy; 30% go out to dinner; and 19% give flowers. Source: CNN Love Zone
It’s intention is to be a day of love where 1000s of people across the globe celebrate with romance, chocolate and flowers, but for some, Valentine’s day can be a spotlight on all the things that they see out of order in their relationships, resulting in the blues rather than the flush of love.
For those who feel they are suffering with Valentine’s Day Blues, human behavioural specialist and author of the bestselling book ‘The Heart of Love’, Dr John Demartini offers the following advice:
‘When we love others for who they are, they turn into who we love. When we don’t see how our partner being who they are, just as they are, is assisting us and we mostly perceive their actions as challenging, we will be inclined to want to change them. When we try to change them, we can expect resistance. In truth, we all want to be loved and appreciated for who we are. Take the time to ask how your partner’s actions or inactions are actually assisting you in your life particularly in those areas that are most important to you. When you see them serving your life you will open up to them and they will open up to you in return and your sense of intimacy, love and appreciation for each other will emerge and grow.
Many times our relationships become challenging when we don’t take the time to get to know and honor our partner’s unique set of priorities, that is, the things they value most in their lives. Taking the time to understand their priorities and then link what is important to them to what is important to you and vice versa, provides you a means of dissolving the barriers that block communication and help you return to the feelings of love.
We sometimes don’t remember that the greatest relationship we could have is the one that gives us both support and challenge. If we receive nothing but support we would not grow. We need a balance of support and challenge, of positive and negative, in order to grow and evolve.’
Dr Demartini suggests the following questions to guide your relationship back to health:
-Ask what trait most agitates you in your partner? Now ask where you do the same trait to the same degree and how their expressing this trait serves you in the areas of life you value most
-Ask if they did the action or inaction you think would be better, how it would be a disservice to you. Don’t stop until you see that there are equal drawbacks to you in the option you thought better
-Take a relationship you perceive as most ideal, one you use to compare yours to and ask where are the challenges in that relationship until you see that they have equal challenges but just in different forms to yours
-List the challenges in your relationship and ask yourself how they have assisted you to grow and inspire your life in the areas of life you value most
To open yourself to love means knowing that no matter what you have done or not done and no matter what your partner has done or not done, you are both worthy of love.
Dr. John Demartini is a human behaviour specialist, educator, author and the founder of the Demartini Institute.