Dr John Demartini is a world-renowned specialist in human behavior, a researcher, author and global educator. He has studied over 30,000 books across most all the defined academic disciplines and has synthesized the wisdom of the ages, which he shares on stage in over 100 countries around the world.
Today, Dr Demartini talks to us about the Demartini Method – a cutting edge personal transformation methodology that is the culmination of more than 47 years of research and studies in numerous disciplines including physics, philosophy, theology, metaphysics, psychology, astronomy, mathematics, neurology and physiology.
The Demartini Method has helped thousands of people around the world. What inspired you to create it?
When I was 18 years old, my uncle sent me two giant crates of books – two of which really caught my attention. One was the Discourse on Metaphysics by Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz in which he states that there is a perfection in the universe that few people ever get to know, but those that do, have their lives forever changed and transformed. When I read that, it actually brought a tear to my eye. I couldn’t fully grasp what it meant at the time but I knew that I wanted to go and explore what he called “divine perfection” on an even deeper level.
The second was a book on particle physics by Paul Dirac in which I read that every particle has a mirror-image antiparticle with nearly identical properties, except for an opposite electric charge. Dirac’s theory was that if you join these two together – the particle and antiparticle – you birth light through Einstein’s equation. I remember wondering if the same theory could be applied to positive and negative experiences or happy and sad emotions – if I joined them together, could I birth enlightenment and discover the hidden order in apparent emotional chaos?
I went on to study physics, chemistry, mathematics and psychology – in fact, just about every “ology” there was at the time – and I found common threads to all the different disciplines. One of these common threads was something called the “Law of contrast” – a principle of association stating that the thought of something is likely to trigger the thought of its direct opposite. For example, when we hear the word “hot”, we often think of the word “cold”. This stuck in my mind, because it seemed to show up in chemistry and physics and math and just about everything else that I studied. And it got me to thinking that maybe human beings have an inherent objective balancing mechanism in their brain.
I realized that when I was infatuated with something, I was conscious of the upsides and unconscious of the downsides. And when I was resentful of something, I was conscious of the downsides and unconscious of the upsides. But when I saw both sides simultaneously, I was neither up nor down. I was centered. I was authentic and I felt deeper sense of meaning and love. If you prefer to watch the video, click below. ↓
I then realized that whenever I was critically judging somebody, if I was really honest, I was judging them for something that I was actually feeling ashamed about, though I was too proud to want to admit it. So I grabbed a dictionary and began circling every single human behavioral trait that I could find. As I came across each one, I would try to think of someone who displayed that trait to the most extreme, and put their initials next to it. I would then look at myself to try and find ways in which I displayed the exact same behaviors.
I went through 4,628 traits and discovered that I had ALL of them – each and every one. I was nice at times. I was cruel at times. I was thoughtful and thoughtless, honest and dishonest, arrogant and humble. And I realized that it would be wise for me to own all these traits instead of trying to get rid of the ones that I perceived to be negative, wrong or bad and pretend to be only one sided.
This became the first step of what I would later call the “Demartini Method” – getting people to write a list of every trait, action, or inaction that they admire or dislike about a particular individual. Then listing just as many positives for any negatives they had written down – almost like a balance sheet.
The next step is to write down all the ways in which THEY themselves display and demonstrate those exact same behaviors. In doing so, they make themselves accountable to find in themselves what they see in other people – a form of reflective awareness.
So this process includes finding positives for every negative AND negatives for every positive?
Exactly. For example, you may feel resentful of your brother-in-law and discover through the Demartini Method that he reminds you of something you have done in the past that you feel guilty about. You might not want to deal with it, so may find it easier to label him and avoid him. Using the Demartini Method, you would then list as many positive traits as negative traits, and then write down ways in which you too demonstrate those same behaviors.
An example of the reverse could be someone at the office that you admire. You would then list as many negative traits as you have positive traits to bring your perception of them back into balance. You would also write down all the ways you have those same positive traits that you admire and may be too humble to admit that you possess. There is nothing missing in you – what you see in them, you also have inside of you.
This reflective awareness can be challenging for some people to grasp, but incredibly powerful when they do. I’ve had clients talk to me about their “cruel” father – people who today are entrepreneurs that are capable of being independent, resilient, adaptable and driven. And I’ve had other clients tell me that their mother was always nice and never cruel – people who are dependent on others or who didn’t have the internal resources to deal with people who were not always kind and never cruel.
I also realized that the things we think are terrible today, may one day be something we are grateful for. This is often something that age and wisdom often brings, but with the Demartini Method you don’t have to wait for years to find the wisdom or blessing – you have access to it immediately.
So, the questions you ask in The Demartini Method are designed to make you fully conscious and fully aware of any unconscious parts?
Your intuition will try to reveal to you the side that you’re ignoring or unconscious of. So, if you’re infatuated, it will try to show you any potential downsides; if you’re resentful, it will try to reveal the potential upsides. Your intuition will try to bring you back into balance. In that way, instead of being extrinsically driven as a victim of history, you now become a master of destiny and realize that you have control of your perception, decisions and actions.
It’s very profound when you finally become accountable and be objective. Objective means neutral and balanced and able to find the mean, the balance between the polarities.
A wonderful example is Viktor Frankl, an Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist who was also a Holocaust survivor. His book, Man’s Search for Meaning, is a powerful biography of his time in a concentration camp and his choice to find meaning and renewed purpose in suffering.
Would you agree that the Demartini Method is a tool that helps people realize that there’s something magnificent in their life and that they don’t need “fixing”?
This is something I really have to go into great detail about during one of my programs, The Breakthrough Experience. So many people are addicted to fantasies about who they “should” be and what their life “should” look like, and then create their own nightmare trying to be something or somebody else. Instead, they would be wise to embrace both sides of who they are – as opposed to trying to get rid of the half of themselves that they perceive to be “wrong” or “negative”.
I’ve hosted The Breakthrough Experience over 1,100 times around the world to help people break the fantasy of how it “could” and “should” have been, because how it “could”, “should”, and “would” have been is interfering with them appreciating the way it is.
Anytime you compare your reality to a fantasy, you’re not as grounded in reality. It is what it is. So instead, I ask clients, “How does it serve you? How is what’s happening right now fulfilling your life?” In answering questions like these, along with the many other questions we go through in the Demartini Method, many people express feelings of gratitude, love, certainty and inspiration because they can see the hidden order and the magnificence or what Leibniz termed divine perfection in their lives. And it all begins with learning to see both sides, learning to see the synchronicities of opposites, and being grateful for your life.
Where would be a good starting point for someone wanting to experience the Demartini Method?
If this is something that resonates with you, then I would suggest looking into The Breakthrough Experience – an intensive two-day group program with me in which I take you through the Demartini Method and Demartini Value Determination Process.
The Breakthrough Experience will provide you with powerful solutions to help you resolve fear, depression, resentment, anger, intimidation, low self-esteem, guilt, grief or anxiety and any emotion you’d love to have stop ‘running’ your life. You will learn how to solve challenges, build relationships, clarify your purpose, and achieve your goals and so much more in just two days.
Start each week with a boost of inspiration from Dr. John Demartini. To receive your Monday inspired quote click HERE: