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DR JOHN DEMARTINI - Updated 2 years ago
I would love to begin this article by discussing something you may have heard me speak about before, and that is on human values.
Like every other human being, you live by a set of priorities, a set of values, things that are most important to least important in your life. This set of values determines your perceptions, decisions and actions in life.
Whatever’s HIGHEST on your particular set or list of values - the very highest value that’s most important, most meaningful, most inspiring, and most fulfilling to you, you are spontaneously and intrinsically driven to fulfill it.
You’ll also likely see whatever happens in your life as valuable feedback resiliently and you’ll likely perceive it as being “on the way”, instructive for your life instead of perceiving challenges as failures or being “in the way”.
However, as you go down your hierarchy of values to your LOWER values, you’ll tend to procrastinate, hesitate, and frustrate in taking action. You may also need external motivation to get you to do it. Such requirement for extrinsic motivation is a symptom, more than a solution for true, lasting human performance.
As an example, one of my highest values is teaching. Nobody has to externally ‘motivate’ me to teach, but when it comes to some of my lower values like cooking and driving, I will certainly need extrinsic ‘motivation’ to get me to do them. These are tasks that I delegate where possible, so I can free up time to focus on my higher and more inspiring values.
When you set a goal or an objective that is congruent and aligned with what you value most, you have a higher probability of being disciplined, reliable, and focused on achieving it.
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The reason behind this lies in what happens physiologically when you live according to what is most important to you (your highest values). In other words, you activate the EXECUTIVE CENTER in your forebrain, and this is where you’re more objective, neutral, resilient, and adaptable to change.
When you fill your day with high priority actions and you do what is most important, meaningful, and inspiring to you, you wake up this part of your brain, the executive center which is involved in inspired vision, strategic planning, objectivity, execution of plans, and self-governance.
You are also more likely to wake up your leadership capacities because you will be more effective and efficient in your actions and have more resilience and stamina in life. You’ll also set goals that you’re likely to achieve and with that your self-worth and value to the world goes up. You’ll have evidence that you can achieve what you say and you’re sense of certainty in your ability increases.
On the other hand, the farther you go DOWN your hierarchy of values, when you do things that are not meaningful to you, the more unfulfilling your life tends to become.
When you aren’t living congruently with what’s most important to you (your highest values) and you begin filling your day with low priority actions, the blood, glucose and oxygen go into your amygdala. So, instead of waking up your executive center for inspired vision, you wake up the amygdala, which deals with conditioned reflexes, and impulses for immediate gratification (prey) and the avoidance of pain (predator). As a result, you are most likely to avoid challenges and seek an easy, less-efficient path while also taking on the role of follower.
So, whenever you’re doing lower priority things, you activate the more subcortical - survival part of the brain, the amygdala in the limbic system. This part of the brain is also known as the desire center, which focuses on SURVIVAL (fight or flight, avoiding the predator and seeking prey, and avoiding pain and seeking pleasure), as opposed to the executive center, which is also known as the pre-frontal cortex which focuses on THRIVAL (self-mastery, self-governance, leadership, strategic vision and objectivity).
Look at Michael Phelps as an example. He willingly embraces both pleasure and pain to pursue his purpose, often pushing through tired and burning muscles to refine his technique and race times.
In contrast, think of someone who perceives they “should” go to the gym – something that may be lower on their values, something that’s less important to them. In this case, they will likely try to avoid pain and hesitate and procrastinate before each session. They will also require extrinsic motivation to get them there instead of spontaneously being inspired from within to begin a workout.
It’s in this survival oriented and extrinsically driven state that you are more vulnerable to excuses.
What people typically do when they are not living congruently with their highest values is blame the external world.
Any time you blame things on the outside, you tend to also look for credit on the outside. So, if you blame others or even a scapegoat, the so-called devil, you’ll likely look for some sort of others or so-called angel or savior to take care of or save you.
Think of Covid as an example, an external factor that some people blame for their current challenging circumstances. This same group of people also tend to look for an external or outside force, such as the government, institution, or vaccine, or pill, to save them.
On the other hand, you likely know of businesses that have thrived during Covid and looked inward for the resources to master their world.
The same situation, yet two very different perceptions, decisions and actions.
Reflective awareness
You’re more likely to realize reflective awareness when you live congruently with your highest values and activate your executive center. This involves knowing that what you see out there is NOT what’s out there.
Instead, it’s your PERCEPTION of what’s out there.
Your DECISIONS and the way you ACT are according to those perceptions.
In other words, if you make excuses as to why you’re not reaching your goals and blaming it on the external world, you are unlikely to empower yourself or achieve what you would love to accomplish in life.
It is also wise to see your excuses as feedback from the universe to let you know that what you’re possibly pursuing isn’t really what’s truly most important to you.
When you make excuses, it’s mostly because you are pursuing something not as deeply meaningful to you as you possibly may imagine.
You may THINK it is. You may think it SHOULD be meaningful to you. However, you are likely doing something low on your list of values in most cases.
You are therefore not highly engaged or spontaneously inspired to do it.
This is when you tend to blame outside circumstances and make excuses for why you haven’t taken action or made progress.
Anytime you blame outside circumstances and give credit to external circumstances, you give away your power and allow the outer WORLD to decide your outcome.
As such, you become a victim of your history and not a master of your destiny.
Your highest value, or what is most important to you, is where your most meaningful and inspiring mission is derived from.
That’s your present purpose in life:
- Your ontological identity revolves around what you value most,
- Your teleological purpose revolves around what’s really highest on your values, and
- Your epistemological knowledge, what you’re most knowledgeable about, where you excel and lead, is in that area.
If you get side-tracked from your highest values and start trying to do things that are not really inspiring to you, you may perceive you have lost your vision.
As I often say, those without a vision perish, while those with a vision flourish.
However, you can gain/regain the clarity of your vision by returning to live by priority and doing what’s most important or inspiring to you – that way you’ll be less likely to make excuses, blame the outside world, and look for something in the outside world to save you.
In his book, Good to Great, Jim Collins wrote that so many people look for a magic bullet to save their business or save their life. But it’s not the answer. No magic bullet or savior will come and rescue or save you. It is up to you.
William James, the father of modern psychology, said that the greatest discovery of his generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their perceptions and attitudes of mind.
I’ve been teaching the Breakthrough Experience, my two-day signature seminar program, for many years. During the program, I ask people to take something they resent about somebody or infatuate about somebody and identify where and when they display that in their own life. I have yet to see a single trait, action, or inaction that can’t be owned 100% to the same degree as you see in other people – as long as you are willing to face the truth of your nature and behavior.
I also ask people at the Breakthrough Experience to find the UPSIDES to what they perceived as DOWNSIDES and stack up the advantages until the perceived advantages are equal to the perceived disadvantages.
In every case, people realize that they can change their perceptions, decisions, and actions. As such, they are no longer a victim of the outside world. They empower themselves to be able to act upon the world instead of react, blame and make excuses.
When you blame something, you also tend to look for something to give credit to. As such, you dissociate from your own accountability.
It’s something so many people do – they either haven’t yet identified and clarified their present mission or have lost sight of it.
That’s why, in the Breakthrough Experience, we take the time to stop, reflect and identify what you truly value before structuring and designing what is truly meaningful and purposeful to you to fulfill.
As I often say, if you don’t fill your day with high priority actions that inspire you, your day will fill with low priority distractions that don’t.
Most of the symptomatology in your body and in your psyche are feedback mechanisms to get you back to what is true, authentic, and meaningful to you – what is highest on your list of values.
Excuses are signs you’re not doing what’s really a priority for you.
Blaming external circumstances and making excuses for why you are not fulfilled in life is valuable feedback to let you know that you are not living by priority.
Instead, it is wise to be accountable for taking actions that are really important to you, that are prioritized.
After all, why would you expect to have a fulfilled life if you’re not filling your life with what’s most important and meaningful to you?
If you’re not living by design, you’re likely to live by duty. As such, you’ll tend to live according to what you perceive others expect from you, brain offload your decisions to other people, and subordinate to all their expectations. In these situations, it’s no wonder that you’re not fulfilled.
Living by your highest priorities is one of the most significant things you can do if you’d love to stop making excuses and stop procrastinating.
That’s because living by priority is where:
- You are most likely to take actions that are inspired,
- You’re likely to have the most achievements, fulfillment, and leadership skills.
- You’re least likely to subordinate and imitate others and try to be someone you’re not. After all, why be second at being somebody else when you can be first at being you?
I delegate everything that’s not the most inspiring in my life, so I can have a fulfilling and inspiring life.
It’s not rocket science, but it does take time and intention to do it.
Some people tell me that that is because I have saved and invested my income, so I can afford to delegate, but it’s actually the other way around. I became wealthy because I delegated. I became liberated and inspired because I delegated.
Delegating was one of the most liberating and effective tools I implemented because it freed me up to do what is most meaningful, that serves the greatest number of people, and that allows me to earn the highest income.
As such, I am free to live congruently with my highest values, live by priority and do what is most inspiring to me, so I don’t live a life of excuse and regret.
In Conclusion
If you’d love to stop making excuses (because they won’t get you the life you dream of), then a wise place to start is gaining clarity around your highest values.
You can go through the FREE, confidential online Value Determination process, which will help you identify what your life already demonstrates as being most valuable and important to you.
When you are accountable for living congruently with your highest values and living by priority, you become less likely to procrastinate, make excuses and blame the outer world. Instead, you will begin empowering and mastering your life from the inside.
Epictetus, the Greek philosopher, many centuries ago said when we start out on our journey, we blame others; when we go further in our journey, we blame ourselves; when we finally master our life, there’s nothing to blame.
If you want to live beyond a life of excuses, then it is wise to prioritize your life. For this reason, I run the Breakthrough Experience sessions most every week: to help you empower your life so you don’t sit there and come up with excuses as to why you’re not doing what you love.
I’m certain that there’s no reason why you can’t love what you do and do what you love on a daily basis.
Are you ready for the NEXT STEP?
If you’re seriously committed to your own growth, if you’re ready to make a change now and you’d love some help doing so, then book a FREE Discovery call with a member of the Demartini Team so we can take you through your mini power assessment session.
You’ll come away with a 3-step action plan and the foundation to empower your life.
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Today is the day you step into your power and value yourself by investing in your inspired life when you sign up for Dr Demartini’s signature seminar the Breakthrough Experience:
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