Why Values Matter When Raising Children

Why does values matter when raising children?

Hierarchy of Values

Values are what we truly feel are most important, essential or valuable to our lives. Our values originate from whatever we perceive to be missing in our lives. So if we perceive that we are missing relationships, money, or influence, we will seek, desire and value a partner, cash and social networks. Our perceived voids therefore determine our values.

Since we have more than one void and corresponding value, we actually have a series of voids and values ranging from the most important to the least important. Our values can occur in any of the seven primary areas of life – Spiritual, Mental, Vocational, Financial, Familial, Social and Physical. They can be concentrated in one or few areas or dispersed through all seven unevenly.

Every perception, decision and action we make is determined by our hierarchy of values. Every decision is based upon what we feel will provide us with the most advantage over disadvantage to our highest values.

“The more parents understand their own and their children’s hierarchy of values the more they can communicate, educate and empower themselves and their children.”

Family Values

Every family member has a unique hierarchy of values. No two family members have the same set of values. Whenever either or both parents project their highest values onto their children there will be both benefits and drawbacks. The benefits can initially give them outer direction and can sometimes save them from learning the hard way. The drawbacks can cloud the child’s individual mission.

Children spontaneously love learning what is truly highest on their own hierarchy of values. They will learn what is most important to them, but not necessarily those values projected by their parents or teachers.

When parents identify, respect and communicate whatever they feel is wise for their children to learn in terms of the child’s highest values, children expand their learning horizons and incorporate these new values and interests.  Children can resist learning when parents autocratically project their values and learning content onto their children.

Many learning difficulties are simply due to parents or teachers not honoring what is truly most important to the child. And not communicating information in terms of the child’s highest values or inspirations.

The child’s identity revolves around their highest value – their purpose. It is what they spontaneously love to learn and fulfill.

Children naturally express genius in their highest value and suppress any genius in their lowest.

Many learning abilities are only in certain areas. These same children excel in other areas that are aligned congruently with their highest values. Children could be labeled Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) at their school while enduring a class they are not inspired by or engaged in. While at home they could stay focused for six hours straight on their video games and demonstrate Attention Surplus Order (ASO).

It is wise to first discover children’s highest values before projecting labels. Authorities that project labels sometimes undermine the very genius they claim to breed.

Technology Value

Technology is neither good or bad. It is simply neutral and its outcome is dependent upon how it is used and perceived. Technology emerged to assist us with the fulfillment of our highest value, our “end in mind,” or our “telos”. Our technology emerged to help us fulfill our teleology. It became a means to an end and our highest value or telos became our end in mind.

If we see that a particular technology supports our highest value we label it good. If we see that a particular technology challenges our highest value we label it bad. Some technologies allow our children to not have to focus on lower priority actions so they can remain creative and can provide advantages. Other technologies may distract our children from mastering their lives.

But these decisions are also value determined and each individual will have a slightly different view on the pros and cons of each technology.

Ultimately technologies are neither good nor bad until we choose to make them so.

One mother judged her son for wasting his time on computers and video games all day while a 16 year old. Seven years later when he was a highly paid IBM IT employee, making more money than her, she retracted her judgment what she once condemned. She then appreciated her son’s diligent efforts.

It is wise to prioritize our actions each day to raise our self-worth and to more effectively fulfill our highest values. Technology is here to stay. It is wise for us all to appreciate its purpose and use it moderately and wisely.

Balancing work and child’s needs

Our children can tell when we have buried emotions and frustrations or when we are sacrificing ourselves and beginning to resent it. It is wise to make a list of everything we do for our special needs child and make sure we are truly doing what is most meaningful, productive and in the long run caring.

It is unwise to get stuck in lower priority activities or responsibilities revolving around our children. Wise living is to teach them how to prioritize their lives by becoming an example. Delegating and holding our children with as much accountability as possible is caring in the long run. If you can produce more by working than the cost of doing lower priority actions at home then it is was to work and delegate these actions. This allows great quality time for the parents and child.

Burning out doing lower priority actions works against both the parents and the child. Being honest as a parent with expectations can prevent burnout and resentment or regret.


If you’d love to learn more about a meaningful purpose and mission consider Dr Demartini’s brilliant CD: Activating Genius and Potential.

Activating Genius and Potential
Activating Genius and Potential

Start each week with a boost of inspiration from Dr John Demartini. To receive your Monday inspired quote click HERE.

Values matter when raising children
Values matter when raising children

Dr John Demartini, Founder of the Demartini Institute, International bestselling author, educator and consultant www.dr.demartini.com.

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