From the time we are children we are taught, through fairy-tales and popular culture, what true love is “supposed” to be. Who hasn’t heard about the “happily ever after” and other misleading fantasies? If you are like most people you continue to buy into these childhood ideas, even in adulthood. However, believing in these common myths stunts your personal growth, interferes with your life and keeps you from fully experiencing the riches that every relationship has to offer.
Let’s look at the top ten relationship myths, take them apart and shine a light on these dark fantasies.
Myth #1: A (New) Relationship Will Make Me Happy
During the initial infatuation phase of a relationship, you see mostly the positive side of the experience – strong attraction, positive traits and potential for lasting happiness – but that’s just a delusion. Regardless of how well a relationship begins, you will eventually experience both ups and downs; contentment and sadness. A relationship will not change this natural experience of human emotions.
Myth #2: When I Find My Soul Mate, I’ll Feel Complete
Living as if your one-and-only soul mate will complete you, will only lead to heartbreak. The illusions that you project onto your “loved ones” will inevitably fall apart when they behave as any other normal human would. A soul mate can be any person, or several people, in your life right now that fully complement you, and help you find your own “wholeness”.
Myth #3: The Right Relationship Will Last Forever
For every relationship beginning, there is another falling apart so the idea of “forever” is a childish notion. The right relationship lasts as long as both people in it would love it to last. And are willing to empower themselves and offer value and communicate in each other’s highest values.
Myth #4: Once We Get Past These Rough Waters, It’ll Be Smooth Sailing
Relationships are not static and no one remedy will eliminate all your supposed troubles. As I mentioned above, life involves a balance of difficulty and ease; of liberty and constraint.
Myth #5: A Good Relationship Requires Sacrifice
Simply put, sacrifice breeds resentment. Anytime you do something you don’t want to do, or see no benefit to yourself in doing, then you will become resentful. This may happen immediately, or unconsciously, but it will happen. It is wiser to master the art of communicating what your value in terms of what they value.
Myth #6: Great Sex Happens Only at the Beginning of a Relationship
Both lust and intimate lovemaking can continue to grow and evolve throughout a relationship, as long as you understand and disable the unrealistic expectations that might shut it down. This includes the myths listed here.
Myth #7: In the Right Relationship, I Won’t Have to Work at It
Many people hang on to the idea that being with someone should happen “naturally”, however a fulfilling relationship requires concentration, organisation, effort and skill.
Myth #8: If I’m Not Involved with Someone, I’ll Be Lonely
People can feel lonely in a crowded room; loneliness is a function of how you perceive yourself relative to your environment. Expecting another person to “give you” something is misguided. You can sleep right next to someone and yet feel a thousand miles distant or be a thousand miles distant but feel as if they are close.
Myth #9: Children Complete a Marriage
Children do not complete a couple any more than romantic partners complete each other. Others can often play surrogate roles of children.
Myth #10: Opposites Attract
Ultimately you have no true opposite, only an apparent opposite, as every human has the same potential for love, anger, greatness, hope, despair etc. What you see in romantic partners is also present in you; just expressed in a different way.