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DR JOHN DEMARTINI - Updated 2 years ago
Every person wishes to be loved and appreciated for who they are.
If they are in a relationship where they feel their partner is over supportive, they will probably get bored. And if they are in a relationship with a person who over challenges them, they might get burned out.
A lasting relationship demands a healthy balance of support and challenge. When either support or challenge becomes extreme, it can result in a lack of fulfillment. This in turn leads to the consideration of either affairs or divorce.
To reduce this probability, there are things you can do first:
1. Determine what is truly most important to you both
Determine what you truly value, what is truly important to you, what you are dedicated to and what is truly meaningful to your life. Then determine what is most valuable and important to your partner. Determining your values and priorities and theirs is crucial.
(For more information on this, see Demartini Value determination)
2. List how your different values serve each other in the relationship
One of the greatest questions you will ever ask in a relationship, before you throw in the towel, is:
How is what your partner is dedicated to, what is most meaningful and important to them, helping you? And how is what you are dedicated to, what is most meaningful and important to you, helping them?
Answer each one of these two questions 30 to 50 times. If you can’t see how what they are dedicated to is helping you fulfill what you are dedicated to, you will talk down on them and sabotage the relationship. Trying to change them and fix them will only lead to more frustration and as a result undermine the relationship.
It is wiser to see how their values serve you and how your values serves them.
Understanding each others values and how it contributes to what you are dedicated to, creates a relationship of mutual respect. You will listen to them with a dialogue instead of an alternating monologue.
3. Identify the traits in your partner which you dislike and own them
Make a list of the specific traits or actions that you dislike, resent or despise in your partner, which makes you consider the idea of divorce. Then write down where and when you have displayed the same trait or action, and who saw that in you.
It is easy to judge another person and to be too proud to admit you have the same trait. It is wiser to look within and find out where you’re doing the same that you see in this person.
This will already lessen the charge you have on your partner and also bring the decision of a divorce into a neutral state.
4. Write down the benefits
Lastly, write at least 20 benefits of how them displaying the specific trait you, help you or serve you. Continue to write how this trait benefit or help you, until you are grateful for them.
When you can see how this first perceived negative trait is also serving you, you no longer wish to change this about them and you become grateful for them as they are. Appreciating your partner with both their negative and positive traits, will help you to love them unconditionally. And to make a decision of divorce is better to do from a place of unconditional love and gratitude.
Taking the time to work through these steps, might help you to save your relationship that could function under mutual love and appreciation. Loving and appreciating each other for who you are, might transform an unfulfilling relationship into something that can last.
Divorce does not have to be your last option, you can always learn how to appreciate and love your partner more.
To learn more about the law of attraction consider Dr Demartini's online learning program: Conscious Intention.
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